Mysterious... that's what I call you

A line from the song Lion by Rebecca St. James, one of the many from the Lion, Witch and the Wardrobe soundtrack.
I'd have to recommend the soundtrack, but as far as the movie(s), go read the books, they are a lot better. Possibly just because I am such a reader, I honestly prefer books to the shows inspired by them. Then there are those books I thought were such trash I haven't bothered taking the time to watch their movie adaptation... Such as Twilight. Yep. Never been impressed by Stephanie Meyer's work on a 'feel-good' level. Yes she is a clever author, picking subjects that catch people's eyes and create a sensation. But just because she creates something with words doesn't mean it's right or good.
Words can be used either way. Building up or tearing down, hurting or healing, killing or bringing to life. That is the way of a medium

Christmas time!!!

I don't know about you guys, but we got a lot of snow dumped on us in the past two days. It's wonderful!!! I absolutely LOVE small towns, some business was playing Christmas carols outside while the snow was falling, making the walk we took to the library even more perfect.
My snow hat is out of storage again, and oh how I'd forgotten how much I love it! Super comfy and warm. Makes me miss Montana though...
Lately I've been spending hours with the computer for company- uploading and organizing my family's pictures of 20+ years. It takes a while, thank heaven for digital is all I can think. I'm almost done with part of my Aunt's Christmas present though and that makes me happy :) Now I just have everyone else's stuff to go through...
I put in for a start up kit with this work-at-home company and frankly I'm not too darn impressed. Depending on how things pan out I could either be making 50 cents a product or 15 cents. That's a huge variance and I'm not exactly thrilled about the latter number. They are a small craft and take some delicate work. Called the company to double-check, they were out of the office, will call again tomorrow if they don't call back.
Anyway, time to run- I have some errands to do and the snow has stopped enough that I'd want to venture out of the house. Wish me luck!

I'm back!

Wow. Talk about a LOOONNNNGGG time since I've updated this part of my life. Anyway, I'm LOVING being married. It's definitely different, but super good. My husband is super amazing & I'm just grateful he can put up with me while I learn more about myself and living with others. We moved down to Mount Pleasant and are living in a 100+ year old house (believe me, the heating bill is definitely showing it) that is quite quaint. It actually used to be a dress shop that the older woman who lived here before the current owners, ran in the front of the house while living in the back portion. Got to love the history you can find everywhere here.
I just found out that one of the Presidents of the Church's grandparents were born and lived in Mount Pleasant... can't remember which one currently, but I knew once lol. I've been on this reading spree. Can't even tell you how much I LOVE the library here. Sam does too, just for different reasons than I ;) haha. I've made a decision that for every novel I pick up I have to read some book that isn't fiction. It's been interesting, I'm currently finishing up a book on the similarities between Thomas Jefferson & Joseph Smith- I love the Founding Fathers.
Haven't found a job yet but I'm hoping to make this venture with a work-at-home company go through. We'll just have to see, keep your fingers crossed.
I've been seeing a chiropractor and physical therapist for my car accident injuries-- I hope to be soon finished with that chapter of my life and onto better health. I've learned a lot from my physical therapist though, a nice guy by the name of Ben. Just different exercises to strengthen core muscles and the best part is that they aren't strenuous at all :D gotta love that!
My mom just had her 11th child, a beautiful baby girl they've named Sienna Rose. She's got more hair than all of my mom's kids combined, with the exception of myself perhaps :) I actually DID have hair when I was born.
It's been different, being away from home... when Home isn't really my home anymore. I miss them TONS. It makes coming Home fun though, every time I walk through the door my 3 year old brother greets me with a huge hug and a "You're HOME!!!" haha. Oh how I love that boy.
Anyway, it's getting late and I'm tired so I'll wrap this up for now. Much love and happiness heading your way!

Ten days and counting!

Well. It's been a while hasn't it?
And we are now down to the last ten days of my single life. Oh goodness! I can't even tell you how wonderful everything is and has been this past month.
Everytime I look at Sam I thrill inside to know that soon I'll be marrying my best friend and most wonderful sweetheart. The man I can support and love for eternity. He is such a constant strength and has been the whole time I've known him. I can only pray I'll be as good for him as he has been for me.
We'll be moving down to Mount Pleasant, into a house with his brother Taylor and his wife LaRee, they are such wonderful people and I am so grateful that we'll have the chance to learn from their examples in such close contact. God has been so gracious and continues to guide our lives, I cannot praise His name enough.
Our family and friends have all been so supportive and helpful with everything in preparation and I continually marvel at the wonderful people God has placed in my life.
Thank you everyone :)

Hi and bye again

Wow, long time no news. Sorry about that. Well, I'm engaged. Officially now :D
He did a great job with it too. We went back to the first place we kissed, where he pulled out the ring and proposed. Pretty much I was totally NOT expecting it, I was completely shocked and extremely pleasantly surprised. Haha :)
My birthday went well, it was a good day. Went to the park and had cake and ice cream with the fam.
The date for our wedding is set for September 25th. A little less than seven weeks away. Yay!
And crazy.
Well the dress I ordered... wasn't what I wanted. So instead his mom is making my wedding dress. I'm grateful she's such a great seamstress.
My family is leaving on the trek this week, I get to stay home and babysit :) It shouldn't be a real challenge since I'll only have the little ones. We'll have fun.
So pretty much, I'm marrying the most wonderful guy ever. He's so sweet to me. I love how we can communicate, and things always get worked out in the end. I only hope I can be as good for him, as he has been for me.

The girls

Oh yes. I almost forgot. We need flower girls haha. And a cake. And on goes the list...

Super cute, the girls would need a white shirt underneath though. ($16.99 from Target)
I've been debating if we want to go more casual or formal with the look of the younger girls. The bridesmaids are slightly more formal looking than perhaps I'd want, but at the same time children prefer to be comfy rather than dressed up and pinned looking.

This is a really cute favorite of mine, still need a shirt under, but it's adorable. ($14.44-$16.99 Target)

As far as the cake itself goes, here are some different styles, but not necessarily exactly what we're looking for:

Oooo! Me likey! Cute, little, and cute :)
Maybe with leaves instead of flowers?

I seem to be leaning towards the squarish cakes.

Also funny story, honestly I have never really understood the whole wedding cake, feeding the cake thingy. The only real reason I wanted a cake was because my maternal grandmother told me that when I got married, she'd make my cake for me. And oh does she make some lovely ones, excellent tasting too. But anyway, when I was talking to Sam about the whole cake thing, he said two-tiered, which, I'm totally good with. I truthfully don't pay attention to cakes at weddings. I mostly eat them.

Oh now this is a lovely one! Rather different.

This is kind of funky but neatly elegant at the same time. Obviously not using the same flowers as they did here, the cake kind of looks as though a napkin had been draped over the top of it (which, I suppose can sound really rather gross and unappealing, it's just the first thing I thought of haha)

Hairstyles

Yet another entry. Hang on to your hats ladies and gentlemen! (haha, funny story. Sam suggested a hat jokingly. I gagged. No hats. I didn't even ever picture me wearing a veil, but that's just me)

This one is a little too loose as far as the curls go, though very pretty
















This one I like a whole lot as well, but then again, it may fall out over the course of the day.

This one is SUPER lovely and my most favorite thus far, but then again, I'm not done looking either. Don't know that I'd have flowers in my hair either.

This is kind of a more dainty look, still a little bit too loose on the curls. I don't care for how the hair is straight on top either











This is more of the look I think we're going for. Wild and crazy. But easily tamed down too. Man I wish I had that much body to my hair :)













Less curly and more of a wavy look, I like it for different reasons. Guess most of these will have to wait til we actually get the dress.












This is more of an up-do, but still has the general idea I'm looking for

The veil, and more!

One more post for the day.


Thankfully, this evening Sam and I got to spend a good deal of time on the phone going over details and wedding plans that really hadn't been all that much discussed.


Here's the update:
~ White Tux for him- with a red shirt that matches the shade of red we're using everywhere else. (YAY!)
~ A red ribbon for me- to match him. (Yes I know it's not exactly traditional, but it'll look cute!)
~ Less formal flowers. He's always liked roses. I love daisies. Like I said. We'll have to mix them :) But then again, since we aren't planning on having a line (yes, GASP!), it'll help relax the atmosphere to have a more casual tone. We still need to get with the florist and figure out what flowers are in season that time of year.
~ The groomsmen are just going to have matching shirts (I'm thinking brown?) and whatever nice black pants they have in their closet.
~ As you have seen in the above photo, my veil. Purchased from Ebay at $9.99. Seriously, it's awesome. I really love that place. And again, free shipping. My hair will be down, so I didn't want something big that will completely hide it since, I have to admit, my hair isn't all that long right now anyway. The hair'll be curled or scrunched or something like that. But not up.
~ As far as the program, we know we're having one. And we know at least one if not two of the numbers. After that? Not so much.
~ Bridal photo shoot. He's gonna be there! Fun times! Except that he's not all that into getting pictures taken. Keep it short and sweet. That's the plan. Oh, and thankfully we've got a few family and friend photographers who do good work and are willing to do it for free. We did toss around the idea of going with the same lady who did Brig and Mandy's reception as well as Mike and Sharon's, Liz Bowles. Her whole wedding package is $300 and she's worth every penny. The only thing is, we don't really have a penny, let alone $300 to spend on a photographer.
~ Dancing. Yes! Super excited about that! And, instead of just the typical Daddy/Daughter dance, we are going to have a Mother/Son dance too. But, to be merciful to all concerned, mostly the onlookers who really don't want to have to sit through three songs simply watching people dance, we are going to combine the Mother/Son and Daddy/Daughter dances by using a song that will work for both. Yay! Still sort of debating if doing a Dollar dance will be of good use or not.
~ We have the location!!!!! A family friend was phoned this evening and it took less than three minutes to have her completely for it :) Best part of all, the only cost will be that of making the yard presentable.
~ Still no exact date, but that's kind of something we can't figure out until other things are taken care of.
~ Oh, and we've decided to get married and have the reception on the same day. The only reserve I had about that, is that if I'm not 100% confident that things will go well and smoothly and that there is a competent person to deal with the managing of it all, I'm going to be the one stressing about it and trying to run around getting things figured out. But, we'll just have to prevent that right?
~ Oh yes, and no recieving line. Sam hates receptions. He does. He's not the kind of person who goes to them just for the sake of going. Really. And his brother's recent reception just added to his shying away from them. He's much more for the small, intimate dinner sort of thingy. But, he's being a sweetheart and granting my wish for a reception.
~ Lol, I never thought I'd be saying this, but we're doing a garter. *nervous laugh* haha. *nervous laugh again*
~ For the bouquet toss, I want to do what James and Martene did, rather than the typical (and stupid) crowding and almost killing, of the unmarried girls.
~ Oh. And I'm wearing big comfy slippers. That is one condition I've had for like a year now. No killer heels. I hate heels. Not so sure how I'll pull off the dancing in the slippers exactly? But then again, there's always barefoot :D

Can I just tell you how much more fun it is to do things together than it is doing it alone? I love hearing his input. Knowing that it's 'us' deciding rather than just me, myself and I

Mostly all this has been me getting thoughts down so that I won't lose them. To those who were utterly bored by it, I apologize.

Bridesmaid Dresses

These are the ones I've found. Thankfully for only $40 at Allyse's Bridal.



They come in both brown and red, I'm thinking I'll let the girls themselves decide which they want since they're paying for them.



Flattering to almost every figure, they're a safe, but elegant and not too dressy look.




Other shots of the dress:

Now we just need to see how they look on my bridesmaids instead of the models haha

Flowers?

NOTE: This is mostly just me compiling ideas so if you don't care to look, don't :)




I REALLY like this one for a bridal bouquet. It's a combination of roses (which are rather typical, I honestly... they aren't exactly a favorite of mine simply because they are so expected) and these new flowers I discovered called Gloriosa lilies. As well as a few other things as you can see. I like the open stem design, they last longer but do tend to drip a little more, and have a little bit more of an unpolished look to them, which can be a good thing, or a bad one depending.
Other designs I liked:

[It's those daisies I love with the roses] [Simple yet elegant-and rather typical]


[LARGE. But pretty] [Rather different than I'd envision, but gorgeous] [ditto from the last one]





These are daisies. Not your typical ones, and I love them a lot. Probably wouldn't use them for my bouquet, but the bridesmaid's is a definish possibility. Although in order for them to look good with the colors (which happen to be white, red, brown and yellow- as well as typical black for the sake of the fact that everyone looks at least half decent with black accenting) I'd have to use them sparingly if at all since they tend to take over and create a style completely their own (which is probably why I love them haha) *and don't you just love the little girl modeling them?*





These are three different corsage ideas for the bridal party, I prefer the one with the Lilies of Peru (right) most. The only thing with roses is they are a safe bet, it takes a lot to be able to go wrong with roses. Plus, Sam likes Baby's Breath

This one though, is by far the best liked as far as going with roses. Simple, and not overdone, yet enough.

Oh, and last but not least, the sunflowers.

This one actually kind of cheats since it has a daisy and a sunflower, which, I suppose you can do, but just pretend like these are both sunflowers.

And yes, in case you hadn't guessed yet, mostly I just haven't quite figured out the exact look we're going for here, it'd help if a certain groom and I were at least in the same state so we could see each other more often. haha, but you do what you can.

Five Months Later

I'm still having to deal with reinfections from the wisdom teeth extraction.
I'm SO done with this.
Tired of the aching and swelling and frustration. It's NOT NORMAL!
Actually, another one of our patients went to the same doctor and she came back absolutely traumatized. You're not supposed to come away from an experience still bawling about it three weeks later. But the anesthesiologist was very rude. I didn't like him when I went there, and apparently he never really did completely get the other girl to sleep. She was awake through the whole thing. Completely conscious, and could give you the names of every person that had been in the room.
The worst thing a doctor can say to a patient is "Oh no, you just imagined what happened, that didn't really happen" When in fact, it did.
Needless to say, I'm pretty sure Dr. Johnson won't be referring many patients over to him anymore. Even if he did, there have been enough people talking about the horror stories that most of them are asking for anyone but this other doctor.

It's said that removing a tooth causes trauma, but I didn't have any clue just how much was even remotely possible until this experience. If it has done any good at all, dealing with this has made me even more determined that I won't lose a tooth unless ABSOLUTELY necessary, and even then, there are other options such as titanium implants that work just as well.
Sorry if this has struck anyone as boring, it's just the Dental Assistant coming out in me and the frustrated patient.

Wedding dress!

This is the one I picked, though it will have sleeves added, either from a jacket (which I'm hoping won't be the case) or actually sewn on. Super pretty and happy to have found it for a whopping $99! Custom made to my size too.
Pretty sure I'm in love with Ebay. It can definitely be addicting.
Confession though. The original dress I wanted and actually ordered from a different company, Quickgowns.com was only available in my size in Ivory/blue rather than the White/white that I wanted. Rather saddened and at the time frustrated by that, but this works out better than I'd hoped because while it's not exactly my first choice, it's cheaper, it's custom made to me, and it's there. Plus, it's only a dress :)
I know I could have pulled off just about any style of dress (a big blessing of inheriting some good looking genetics) but I've always loved big poofy dresses and come on, how often is there actually an occasion to wear something like this?

Slight Update

It's Thursday! A week from right now I'll be getting finished working my last day at Dr. Johnson's dental office and heading home to move home to Utah. Crazy.
It's definitely been a week. Yesterday my soon-to-be brother-in-law fell 38 feet off a roof they were framing at work. That wasn't fun. The not knowing what was going on. I'm still not all sure what he's up against, but thus far what I do know means a long time recuperating.
I hadn't told Sam lately, but honestly what he does for work terrifies me. At any time something could go horribly wrong. The risk he takes is only worth it because of how much he loves what he does. I just got reminded of that last night.
Oh, and can I just tell you how much fun it is to be 'tentatively engaged'? It's not really, I'm joking. But at least it's better than not being engaged at all. And soon the T word will be removed as well.
Part of my frustration is two things. 1- I have no money whatsoever to actually start getting things ready for marriage. and 2- I'm still up here in Montana, have no job lined up, and can't really do much about it til I get back down to Utah. Oh the joys :)
But you do what you can and try not to stress about the rest. It doesn't do any good anyway :)

That is the Last Time

I have to make the drive to Montana alone that is. Hopefully.
I'm back up in the lovely land of the pines. For the last stretch of interning. The plan is that I will finish up in time to be back in Utah for the 4th of July. If for some reason those now 69 more hours don't quite get completed before then, I'll just finish them in Utah with my uncle. I love it up here, but I want to be home. To my real home.

Still here

It is Tuesday. And I'm writing this as I sit here in 'the office' (aka, a narrow hallway with a built in desk) of my Utah home. I'm supposed to be in Montana at the moment, at least, that was the plan, but as a dear friend just reminded me "If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans" :) My car is in need of some major repairs and tuning up. It's honestly frustrating, but after freaking out, I think I'm doing ok with it. haha. Worst case scenario, I don't get my dental assisting certificate. There are a lot of really good things about this, one being, I get to stay with my family for longer. Two, I have the potential of seeing my boyfriend. An hour away is a lot closer than nine. And three, I get to work with my uncle at his dental office. He has too many assistants to actually need to hire another one, but I love helping him out there. It's a good work environment. Today my brother came in and got his braces off, it was funny to watch him since orthodontic work is not something the other dentist I intern with does. But now he has super straight and nice teeth. A couple thousand dollars later. Or whatever it was :)
I'm fighting this groggy feeling, not sure bug I caught that's made me like this, it's not so much fun. Think I'll go lie down and rest.

Weddings Weddings Weddings

Yes. The very reason I'm down here in Utah actually haha. Not that I wouldn't want to come see my family, but the three weddings spred across two weekends is why I have a week and a half long vacation.
Sam's brother Brigham and his girl Mandy got married this past weekend. Super happy for them, they are two very wonderful people :) The reception happened to fall on a rather cloudy, windy day, but it turned out well, after the vases of flowers had to be turned on their sides, the tent where refreshments were being served kept hitting into the server girls and the little decorations in the trees got blown into the branches.
My friends Ryan and Tabetha got married two days ago as well. Their story is a little more fraught with difficulties than perhaps would have been wanted, but they are happy together and know it's right, so what else matters? I got to meet the fiance of another one of my friends at their wedding, that was really nice, he's a great guy.
Then this coming weekend I get to wish two of my best friends congratulations for they are also getting married. This time I get to be a bridesmaid, we'll have fun with that :)
I think the appropriate quote at this time would go something like this one "Love is in the air"
For you see, my sister is now dating someone too :) He's a really great guy, and I'm so happy for them. Good luck sis!

Consider the Lilies

It's an early morning Tuesday and I just want to thank God for work. This week is slated to be completely full. Which, especially in a dental office of a beginning dentist who still has his schooling to pay off, is a definite boon.
Add to the fact that I've figured the hours, and I will have completed my 300 hours needed for interning by the last day of June. With about a 24 hour cushion if perhaps something comes up between now and then. YAY!!!! A year and a half after I began the course, I'll have finished it. Honestly, the 300 hours are relatively easy to complete, but when you're working full time as a teacher like I was- it makes even 6 hours a week an exception rather than the rule.
God works miracles, even tiny ones. The least we can do is give him credit and our gratitude.

Pulling Closer

It's a lovely day. And yet, inside my house, there is kind of displaced spirit. Not one that you'd want for a Sabbath day. So to combat it, I'm listening to hymns on the Ipod, and I think I'm going to go on a walk soon. I just want to hold onto this wonderful spirit I've had visiting me the past little while.
I've been reading this book Words and Wisdom of Women by Charlotte K. LeBaron, incidentally Martene's grandmother. A wonderful lady, I was able to meet her while down there for the wedding, and while looking over the library our house up here has, I discovered this book among the rest. A compliation of quotes from different sources, including the Bible, Founding Fathers and their wives, and many contemporary and classic authors and poets, it has been a very enjoyable read, I'd recommend it to anyone with a taste for quotes.
Some of my favorites include:

"Listening is a primitive act of love in which a person gives himself to another's word, making himself accessible and vulnerable to that word" ~William Stringfellow

"By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you will become very happy; if you get a bad one, you will become a philosopher- and that is good for every man" ~ Socrates

"Traveling in the company of those we love is home in motion" ~ Leigh Hunt

This, is one of my most favorites;
"The perfect marriage must be a perfect blend of the spiritual, the physical, the social, and the intellectual... We are souls living in bodies. Therefore, when we really fall in love, it isn't just a physical attraction. If it's just that, it won't last. Ideally, it's also a spiritual attraction. God has opened our eyes and let us see into someone's soul. We have fallen in love with the inner person, the person who's going to live forever. That is why God is the greatest asset to romance. He thought it up in the first place. Include Him in every part of your marriage, and he will lift it above the level of the mundane to something rare and beautiful and lasting" ~Peter Marshall

I completely agree. I just thought I'd share these, and the outside is calling to me too much. Time to go play in the sunshine!

All Done

I'm not a teacher anymore. At least, not here. Not to those kids.
It's done.
Today was our awards assembly and final goodbyes. I'll miss them. Thankfully though, I can see these kids walking down the street and playing at the park. It will do my heart good.
And now that it's over, I'd like to introduce you to the 14 people I've fallen in love with over these past 8 months.
My Kids
Jeff- red headed fiery spirited boy. A whiz at Math and a lover of sports. He's got a lot of energy, and will do well in anything he wants to.
Johnny- an artistic child, his pictures often had more detail in one of them than others had in six different projects put together. His sense of humor and sensitivity is something I've come to love so much.
Sylvia- this smartie took school off for about a month due to injuries, and jumped right back in to finish the school year at the top of the class
Seth- he is EXTREMELY quiet. Hardly ever smiles. And very... reserved, even withdrawn. But get him away from an adult setting, one where he is expected to be quiet, and he blossoms out into a hilarious character that can make all of us roll on the ground with laughter. His smiles and laughter are treasures.
Kailey- One word to sum up her is: Angel. She is a perfectly well behaved little girl. Always willing to learn and try something new. She's just gorgeous and so kind.
Russell- Wow. I cannot tell you how much I admire this boy. He... is just incredible. Not exactly a "straight A student" but he has a wisdom much further than any books could teach. Crazy and rowdy, full of life, and I love it. A genuine leader who doesn't overpower, but rather allows each person to add to the strength of the group. It's been a privilege to see him work with others.
Rosalie- Funny, sweet Rosalie. She brought me enough flowers over this past year to fill an entire flower shop.
Mika- Now, this girl is one I've had to learn to love, a little bit more than the others. Maybe it's just that our personalities clash a bit. She loves drama and will often be the cause or right in the middle of it. Very caring though, and I honestly don't know how we'd have gotten through the year without her.
Michael- he is what I'd have to call my 'problem child'. More than that anything with him, I've had to learn how to deal with his parents. That has been an adventure. He's SO CLOSE though. So close! to getting it. To understanding that he is worth it, and that learning really does matter. I just hope he doesn't give up on it before he learns how rewarding it is.
Michaela- A sweet child. She is a hard worker and will take her time on a project, often to the point of dawdling, but in the end it's worth every minute she spent on it.
Alley- Gorgeous, wonderful, helpful, incredible girl. I love her so much. Her little eyes light up when she understands something like it's the most wonderful thing in the world! And I just loved being able to see it.
Alano- This is 'my' boy. The one I've cried more tears of frustration over and laughed at his silly stubbornness time and time again. He really does love more than he'll ever want to admit
Aubrey- My letter girl. We exchanged notes time and time again- just little things that helped us connect.
Alexia- I know I'm not supposed to pick favorites, but they all are, in their different ways. I love Lexy because she is most like me. Except about ten times more talkative. haha
And those are my kids. The ones I will look forward to seeing graduate, marry, and have kids. All the while thinking "I taught them once upon a time!"

The beginning of Summer Days

Ok, funny story. It's field day here in the lovely neighborhood of Pines Academy, and basically the entire town has come to the event. I got to be in charge of the girls of the 3rd grade. Let's see, 16 girls, or 10 boys. I'll take the girls. Any day.
Not that my boys are terrors or anything, in fact, it's not my students that prompted the choice of the girls. It's the other teacher's boys. I don't know that I could handle them. So instead, I get to spend extra time at each event, and in the end, though activities ceased at 1:30, I didn't head home til 3:15. Had to spend all that extra time filling out their participation certificates you know.
Instead of heading into work like I thought I was going to be able to do, I went home, ate lunch (at three, yes) addressed a letter, and took a walk that ended me up at a park, playing with Chelle and her nieces. I love summertime. It's perfectly wonderful!
I've been walking more and more lately, went on a 4 mile bike ride yesterday, and yes, I'm sore.
Got to love getting back into shape!
It's good though, I really love the feeling of health that comes from good physical activity. Can't wait to go hiking more!

Broken Pieces

It amazes me. How much people want things to 'be fixed', but only on their terms. Believe me, I'm as guilty as the next person.
"Sure I'll talk to you, (but not because I think it will do us any good, I've already set my mind to what it is I want, and listening is only something I do because it's expected)"
Or, "I don't want to step out of my comfort zone so while I know that the way I'm doing things makes you uncomfortable, you're just gonna have to deal with it."
When, in the end, do we really ever remedy the problem?
We find ourselves with still the broken pieces of what used to be, because we don't quite understand the necessity of having the LORD fix what is broken. We want to do it ourselves, our way, only casually consulting God about it and in truth, not taking His way about it. We attempt to make our way his way, and end up frustrated with the results.
Just something I've been noticing and thinking about lately.

Summertime is soon!

I just found out that we're hiking Timp this summer! Pretty super excited for the chance :) I've never been before and hope that I can handle the trip. The only other really long trip up to the summit of a mountain that I can remember completing was about four years ago, to the top of Mt Nebo. It was hard, and I wanted to give up, but my dad talked me into finishing. Boy was it worth it. Exhausting. But worth it for sure. Nebo is easier than Timp and I'm pretty sure I was in better shape then, so we'll just have to see how this all goes down.
This is the last full day of school, the other five are all half days. Crazy to think it's all done and over with. Or almost at least.
I'll miss these kids, the constant interaction with them has lent me the opportunity to know them better and for that, I am grateful. They have taught me a lot, about themselves, myself, human nature, and teaching. I only wish they could know how good they've been for and to me.
Maybe someday they will.

Student Teacher

This morning I was talking to my boyfriend and somehow we got on to the subject of proxy teachers. I know what it was, I made some comment about how I had 14 people telling me what I am doing wrong whenever I mess up and how I've debated at different times through the school year, letting the kids be the teacher for the day. He asked why I hadn't done it and I thought "well why haven't I? Why can't I? It IS the end of the school year and honestly if we do get anything done it's nothing short of a miracle" So I did. Today I am not the teacher. Instead I get to sit in the back of the classroom grading stacks of papers that have been making guilty eyes at me for a while. While one of my girls is 'teaching'. It actually works perfectly because honestly today, I'm not feeling very well. Plus, this way I don't have to deal with a certain young man who lately thinks it's funny to throw very large, attention-gaining temper tantrums. Sure there is a lot more chaos as far as everyone else thinking that they can be the teacher too, but to be quite honest, it happens when I'm the teacher too.

Traveling

Why are goodbyes so hard? It's not like we won't see or talk to the person again soon. It's those moments where you just stand there, neither one actually wanting to be the first to say it, but knowing someone must.
The last hug you don't really want to be the last.
The last "I love you" in person for a while.
The end of a time together.
I've found that in leaving my family, through this past school year- heading back up here to teaching again, I go through phases. Depending on the trip and how long I've been down for it usually goes along these lines-
A few days, or possibly only the day before: I start feeling like "ok, time for me to need to get back to my kids again"
The night before I'm leaving: doesn't really even sink in that in 24 hours, I'll be two states away.
The day or morning of departure: mad scramble to get everything packed and away in the vehicle, knowing, that I'm leaving probably half of the stuff I brought down but that's ok because 1- I did manage to grab the other half of the stuff I left from the trip before and 2- I'll be down in a little while again anyway. Hugs and kisses and run out the door. Shut off emotion and think "I'm only going on a drive"
About two and half hours into the trip: "I really am leaving them... and missing them already" Shut off emotion again.
Hit Idaho Falls: Ok, halfway done.
45 minutes past Idaho Falls: I'm heading home!
Hit the top of the pass: Almost home! It's so beautiful!
Get into Hamilton: Hey look! It's so familiar and great to see again.
Pull into the driveway: I'm home to my other home. Where did those past nine hours go? It was a lifetime ago I was in Utah.
And then continue on with life up here.

Any Reason Why?

TGIF, thank GOODNESS it's Friday!
Seriously, the thought that this is our last full Friday makes me super happy. At this point I'm not even sad. Although I was talking to Chelle and I'm almost sure I'll roll out of bed at six-thirty two weeks from today, and feel like I've got to be doing something school related.
Instead, I will be heading off to interning all day long. That will be an adventure :D
Last night I babysat for James and Lisa, they went on a date. Good for them. The only part that was even slightly difficult, was getting them to bed. It's always funny to me, kids who need nightlights, mostly just because it needs to be absolutely dark for me to be able to sleep usually. The exception being when I'm exhausted.
This wasn't always the case, but you see, my sister and I shared a room when we were younger (and have almost all our lives) and we'd spend much of the night hours chatting away about everything. The only way to get us to shut up was to shut the door leading to an open, lit hallway. So we grew accustomed to darkness. Also, my dad has always been one to research things, or notice little random facts, and I guess some study said it's taxing on the eyes to have light while sleeping because they will seek the light. Over time it's contributed to ruined eyesight.
Or something along those lines. Either way, no more nightlights.
That's the same thing with bananas, we aren't really allowed to eat them after noon, one of his coworkers (from India I believe?) maintained that they are poisonous after the morning hours. Speaking of which, I forgot to eat my banana this morning.... I think I should go do that. J/k Dad ;)

I don't know...

Hahahaha! I just heard one of my students say "I don't know, you tell me" -something I have come to say commonly. This is a result of someone asking a silly question that they really DO know the answer to, but just want to hear someone else say it. And can I just say, being a teacher, particularly to some of these children, feels like being a broken record sometimes. "Shhh!" "It's silent reading time, be quiet" "what do I do now" -refering to Math problems and "how DO you spell it?" -wanting them to actually think before I help them find the answer.
Sometimes I vary between feeling like a teacher, and a mother.
On another note, I have come to thoroughly dislike the words "I don't know" because the truth is, you really do. You know. You're either just not sure how to say it yet, or too lazy to figure out how.
The first type is a lot more acceptable to me than the second, because it at least means that you are willing to try to express yourself. Maybe it's just my impatience with lack of effort.
I've been thinking a lot about whether these kids are ready for 4th grade, and it's been interesting to have been away, and come back, seeing where they are from a more distant perspective. For the most part, yes, they are. And then there are those who, I'm really not so sure about. Will they have the support they need from their home life in order to cope with 4th grade? is a real question I've been asking. Because teaching and learning doesn't just happen at school. It needs to continue, and for the most part, take place, in the home. What are we teaching our kids? Are we teaching them crude language and ill manners, or are they learning the value of kindness, the worth of one person, and the importance of being honest?
Are they learning the lessons that will strengthen them and help them to stand strong in righteousness and truth from us, or will they have to discover that themselves, from others who exemplify Christ-like love and teachings?
Just something to think about, and maybe, this is an I don't know, that will only be evident in time.

Unknown Luggage

Last night I went to a special Girl's Class presentation. It was entitled Women Who Knew Jesus, and I feel grateful I was able to go. I'd debated skipping, but usually when I feel that way it just means I need to go even more :)
The snow has melted away today and it's sunny again. I love Montana weather, more moody than anyone I know, but that's what makes it so much fun.
My sister and I were able to chat for a little bit last night, she was riding home from Temple Prep and had some time before she'd be home and asleep. She'd left her journal down in Mexico when we went down there but providentially it was next to Martene's boxes and got packed into James' car when they were leaving the next day. So, a week and a half later, it returns to the owner (hopefully not having been read though haha). She was pretty excited.
More and more I'm coming to realize how grateful I am to have been raised in a family who loves education, and even more than that, loves learning. It's made life a lot easier.

May Snowstorm?

It's snowing :D Crazy huh? It was raining yesterday and I wanted to go play in it. When I got out there though it felt too cold and I sheepishly ran inside the warm house instead. My cousin teased me saying "it was actually really warm!" but I guess my Utah and Mexico blood was running a little thicker (or thinner, whichever way) than the Montana part. It was a lot warmer there than it is here.
Sunday I was able to find a ride up here, thankfully. My grandmother wanted to stay an extra week or so. Which I couldn't do. After a little bit of worry I found a ride, with my great-Uncle. He has a degree in Botany, and I learned a lot about the world I drive through every time I travel home to visit. Like the fact that there is a stream wandering through the hills and valley where before I only saw dry desert. And the many kinds of fish in all the streams up and around where we live. As well as the birds. It was good to be able to learn from his wisdom and hear what he had to say.
We also talked about the gospel (his favorite subject) and I really appreciated the insight and enthusiasm he holds for all topics. Amazing what you can learn in nine hours :)

TP and a baby

Well, I'm back :D Home to Montana and in the last stretch of the school year. CRAZY. I love life so much right now, it's wonderful.
This past week and a half, so much has happened. I'm really excited to be able to move home and be with my family again.
It was neat, being with them and realizing how much teaching has changed me. I have more patience for one. My baby sister was making a mess with a roll of toilet paper, and while most of my family would have just grabbed it away from her, I didn't, and I didn't let them either. Yes, toilet paper isn't exactly the most cheap item, but it's also less important than a teaching opportunity I saw. I asked her Chauntay, please give me that roll of toilet paper. When she didn't I said "you can either give me the roll, or you're going to have to clean up your mess, those are your options". She kept pulling it off the roll and looking at it and looking at me, maybe kind of expecting me to grab it away from her? Anyway, I let her make a mess but made it clear she'd have to clean it up. After a while she crawled over and handed me the only slightly ruined roll. Then I picked her up and said, "ok, time to go clean up your mess" we got a bag out of the pantry and collected the pieces- I was mostly showing her how to do it but she got the idea before we'd finished and she held the bag all the way over to the trash can where I had her throw it away. And then I clapped for her, congratulating her for cleaning her mess. Then we went and told Mommy what we'd done.
Not bad for a 10 month old don't you think?

Just a little piece of the story

Home again home again jiggity jog. The Utah home that is.
We got in at 3 this morning. Good thing I don't really have anything planned today :)
Well, there we go, the last of my dad's siblings has now been married off. Now for the grandkids. haha, though after this weekend we will have two already checked off.
It's so funny, Martene's mom is SUCH a match maker and I'm sure if she wouldn't have been thoroughly occupied with wedding preparations she could have found someone for everyone. She'd already planned on introducing my divorced uncle to a lady who also didn't end up being able to attend. Just makes me laugh.
I could start to tell all about the trip but honestly, you'd have to be there to appreciate most of it.
The people down there are lovely, wonderful, happy people. Oh you should have SEEN their houses, they were pretty much incredible. AMAZING, in other words. I wish I could have had a better camera than just my phone to snap pictures with.
The wedding went well, I think for them, it was perfect. I would have done some things differently, but that's just because my taste is different from Martene's :)
The groom looked snazzy, like, as my aunt pointed out, he always does. Martene is one lucky girl. James is one of those guys you can't help but love for all the kindness and consideration that he has.
And he didn't do too badly himself. He's got a wife who knows how to cook, sew, sing, play the piano, slaughter animals, is learning how to deliver babies, and to top it all off, is one of the most gorgeous people I know. Both inside and out.
To see them together did my heart good, to see how absolutely In Love they are, how they are best friends and the look in his eyes when she first began to walk down that isle, there are no words. You'd have to be there to know.

Hahahaha

AHH! (the good, excited kind!)
Today is THE day! One of many, but mostly the Day Where I Take Off For A Week And A Half.
It's AMAZING how relief of stress makes you almost crazily happy. I need a string to tie me to the ground because I might just start floating up in the sky :D
God is so good, and He always arranges things just right, if you let him take you where it is he is leading you.

STRESS

Hahahaha. I think the stress is getting to me. Again.
My sister just called and said that she has to leave to Mexico tomorrow, when she WAS going to come with me on Thursday. Dang it. I miss her.
And, this means that we aren't really going to be able to sing at James' reception. It was worth a shot, but this one didn't pan out. Hope they aren't too upset. Seriously though....

It's cloudy and has been raining/snowing all day today. It's in a melting phase right now.
I still have tons to do and don't even know why I'm bothering to write, maybe because I'm hoping it'll help me de-stress. Somewhat. Or something.
I don't mean to be a whiner. Honestly. It's just sometimes life gets to me and I can't seem to just cope. But have to :)
Just watch, I will take off for a week, relax, de-stress, relax. Haha, who am I kidding? Oh well. At least the level of stress won't be quite the same. I need a different source of stress in my life. haha, if that makes any sense at all. But I need the stress of making dinner, the stress of worrying about getting the kids to school (and not having to teach it), the stress of figuring out if my car is going to be drivable by the time I'm ready to head back up here. Those kind of stresses.
Well, now that I've got that out, time to get back to dealing with life!

Amazing Strength

I love my father. He is such a strength to me.
He called me yesterday and we chatted for a bit before he had to go pack for camping. It was good though :)
Ironic how you don't realize how much stress you're under until someone bothers listening and asking how you're doing and really meaning it.
Last night we did finally get to go bowling, it was good. I think the highest score was 60. Amazing huh? Haha, I love my boys so much. Like I told Cassandra- Nothing like an overdose of underdeveloped testosterone. They make me laugh though. And are really sweet and boyish, for lack of a better word, when not around other grown ups. Funny how people put on an act for those older than they.
Then came home and watched El Cid with my grandma. It's a good movie, true story, etc etc. Long, but good. They have some interesting camera angles and lighting in the film. The thing that amazed me so much about them was how determined they were to do right, this man and his wife. They sacrificed a lot, but in return, gained what truly mattered. The knowledge and comfort that comes from living your life according to principles of truth and right. Even though it meant facing death and suffering possibly everyday of their lives.
Made me want to be that kind of person, having that strength. To support my husband in what we knew was right.
Just extremely inspiring and, if perchance you have an extra three hours with nothing to do, go watch it.

Say Hey, it's a Good Day

Haha, oh yes it is! Go look up the song. It fits my mood perfectly.
I'm incredibly happy.
Got a grand total of 50 cents in my savings account and had to borrow $5 just to make my car payment... but I'm rich in so many other ways and the monetary value can't be measured on those.
I have a few, wonderful, true friends, an incredible family, and amazing students. I know a God who blesses and loves his children, and me specifically. I'm not just a name to him. I'm not just a number. I'm me. All of me. And he loves me more than I can ever fully comprehend. He is my best friend and I hope to always keep that relationship flourishing.
I have clothes and food and a healthy body. I have been granted countless opportunities to become better and to just be able to LIVE.
I do not want for anything really.
School is coming along marvelously, today we have a field trip to a pond and a spelling bee. And bowling. FINALLY!!!!!! haha, it's about time.
I made a tree yesterday :) and the day before that a butterfly. Out of paper of course, but 3-D. As I was sitting there I thought to myself; Couldn't you just imagine the joy that the gods have in creating real worlds? It was easy to pretend and magnify the joy and sense of wonderfulness in the accomplishment by 1,000 and perhaps maybe, only begin to understand, the incredibleness that they feel.
Last night I was walking home from school and thought about waving to people. I'd walked that particular path to school a few weeks before with a friend and he commented about waving to people. Some people you did, and others you just didn't. It was funny because it didn't really have anything to do with whether you knew them or not. Anyway, the memory just made me smile and miss him.
A year ago today, the people up here woke to six inches of snow. Could you imagine? That wouldn't have been ideal weather for our field trip. It attempted to snow yesterday though, I laughed :) But it's sunshiny, if not a little bit chilly, but we'll just wrap up warmly before heading off.

I don't care

When I was younger and even more recently now, when I got into fights or arguments and my mother would intervene to punish me, I would protest saying something to the effect of "But you don't know how hard I was working to NOT be as rude as I was! Can't you at least cut me a little slack because I could have been a lot more mean?"
She'd say "I don't care how mean you could have been. I don't care how much you tried to not be rude, you were extremely out of line" and proceed to dole out correction.
Her answer always made me angry and I never did quite understand it.
Til this morning on my way to school. All of the sudden I went "duh. Ahha!"
I really don't care how mean you could have been, you still were cruel.
That's exactly what she meant. And now I get it :)
I walked to school today. It is too lovely of a day to want to drive. Plus I'm doing my part to 'save the environment', the school is only 15 minutes walking distance away from my house, I need the exercise, the list goes on. And so does life.

Today in my life

Oh happiness! But first a confession. I'm pretty positive one of my students is going bald. Haha, now I know that sounds slightly odd, but his father is rather bald as well. I can't decide if it's just a bad hair cut or something but really, there is a suspicious thinning part of hair on the back of his head. Or maybe it's just the hair-do. Although it's been that way for about a week now, who knows. It just makes me laugh.
Of course, today, a lot of things are making me laugh and smile. It's a wonderful day. Yesterday was an odd one and the day before that even more so, but today for some reason I'm incredibly happy. Except I know that reason.
God is so good! It's amazing how close he wants to be and how reassuring he is if you give him your doubts and imperfections and really LISTEN to what he is saying. Without words.
We had a lesson in Girl's Class last night about the Holy Ghost and keeping it with you always, it's always funny to me how much God is sitting here, teaching me the things I need, right as I need them and sometimes even before. It just makes me laugh. At myself, and life.
Sure, things are no where near what some may call 'perfect' but I consider it to be, I'm incredibly blessed with more than I could possibly ever want, and I have an unfailing trust that God will always provide. It's amazing how he can work in your life, if you will allow him to.
So I guess that is what I'm going to ask each of you today. Let Him work miracles in your life. He will, I know he will.
All my love!

Best Friend

And this is why I love Chelle.
She just texted me and asked "Do you think frogs have boogers?"
I said, probably not, no.
Her reply: "What about deer?"
My answer, Yep.
Totally random, but wonderful too.
Just like the time she texts me at work and says something to the effect of "You know what sounds like so much fun and that we need to do sometime? Go through the drive through at Dairy Queen in reverse"
I laughed, and agreed.
What would I do without her? I have no idea, but I'm so glad I don't have to find out.

Grandma Rhoda

Today is my grandma's birthday. She's a wonderful grandma. I used to think she was one of those people who was perpetually young, could never grow old, and was as close to an angel as you'd ever get. Life hasn't been easy, but she's borne every trial with a queen's grace and strength. Come to find out, after Parkinson's, divorce from her longtime spouse and love, the death of her youngest son, and various trials life has attempted to beat her down with, I was pretty much right on the mark when it came to who she is.
Sure, life has taken it's toll and she does have a hard time talking correctly sometimes- the affect of Parkinson's. But can I just say I will always and forever love being held by her. I'm her baby girl. She is the one person who can cuddle me just perfectly. Since Parkinson's has set in it is hard for her hands to stay still, but I love it, I love holding them. I love watching them, through the years, making bread, cookies, doing hair, folding laundry, canning, baking, sweeping, clapping. A perfect expression of her.
So many memories of this wonderful woman. She was the one who introduced me to the wonders of dryers. And dancing. And tree houses. And peaches, apricots, and sour pie cherries. "Snowball" bushes, lilacs, and wild roses. Bleeding hearts- the flower, although she has, though the years, been a refuge for many scraped up, bleeding, and broken hearts. Climbing ivy, and those little purple flowers that grow on some sort of ground cover. Her yard has always been a wonderful place. Swings, trampoline, basketball court, volleyball net, apple trees, croquet. Family get togethers, hot dog and marshmallow roasts. Yes. Those are the things that really matter. You see, here it was we learned what love is, what family means.
Somewhere between the piano lessons and cookie making lessons, decorating gingerbread houses, cleaning out the shed and vacuuming the front room floor, she was able to portray to us the value of simply taking the time to slow down and smell the flowers. Appreciate the simple, little things of life. For that's what really matters.
I hope she knows how much she affects all who know her for the better. Her life has been one of service to others, her family, children, grandchildren, friends, complete strangers that soon became friends, neighbors, and so many more.
I'm grateful to be able to claim her for my grandmother and wonderful friend and want to take this time to yet again, express my love and appreciation for her. I love you grandma :)

The sun is shining, the tank is clean, the tank is Clean!!!

So it's been decided.
I'm not going into the dental office unless they really need me or I have a whole or half day to devote to learning more. The bottom line is I've learned everything they have to teach me in the regular last hour and a half of the work day, and I need to do a lot more learning on other things that aren't done so late in the day. Like implants. And root canals. I know maybe that doesn't sound so fun or interesting to most people, but it's what I do. And love. And need to learn more about, hands-on and all that you know?
It'll be good though, to not have to feel like I need to go and rush away from school.
Maybe now I can tutor kids after school. Or something. Sleep maybe? Haha
It's a real blessing.
Yesterday was another wonderful Sunday. I love Sunday's. They are like sanity. A breath of fresh air and relaxation in a somewhat crazy world.
Can anyone guess the quote I used as the title?
Ok maybe the tank isn't exactly clean, what can you expect, I don't have fish let alone a fish tank to hold them in.
But that's just what I thought of as I'm sitting here looking out on the GREEN, lovely, and incredible world we were given. I love spring time.
I think we'll go on a walk outside tomorrow. It'll be good to get out of the classroom. I don't know what it is about this place, but it's almost like it retards learning? I know that's terrible and I've tried various things to remedy that, but they're all temporary. Because I'm really only temporary. Trying to do a lasting job.

Short and Sweet

Yay for sunshiny Saturdays! It's a lovely day so this is going to be brief since outdoors is still calling my name terribly.
I laid out on the tramp and wrote a letter, the sun was amazing and I love the sounds of birds calling back and forth to each other. Still need to go on a walk or something.
My Grandpa took the car back to Utah today so now I get to drive around the truck. That ought to be fun. And I'm staring at all the expenses racking up.... and have no idea what I'm going to do.
God will provide somehow though. If I keep trusting him.

Craziness

I've been CRAVING chocolate lately. And a good talk with one of my best friends, we have a lot to catch up on. Last night I was able to satisfy both of those cravings at least a little bit. She had a performance and I went for moral support. Moral support means a lot sometimes. More than perhaps we'll ever know.
Can I just tell you how much I love her? She is a wonderful woman and I wonder how long I could have gone on in life without knowing her. We met, and became instant friends the first time we spent more than 5 minutes together. I don't know that I'd still be sane if it wasn't for her, she became my closest friend at a time when I didn't have close (at least in distance) friends. It's a little bit wacky. We are a little bit wacky. But that's just part of how wonderful life is.
I love my classroom when there are no children in it. Haha, that sounds almost horrible, but the silence is good. It's a companion to me too. I talk to my room. Leaving for Spring Break I had a friend with me and started saying goodbye to my room and he looked at me like "are you talking to me?", I laughed and said "I talk to my classroom." I also talk to my car, and my books, my printer, my hair. Some people might think I'm crazy and you know what? I am ;)

Growing Hurts and Change is Painful

So no school today, one of the Kindergarten teachers grandbabies died of SIDS a few days ago and they are holding the viewing and funeral today. We respectfully decided to close school for you see, this building is used for many purposes. Funerals being one of them.
Another one of my parents friends, a couple I know and grew up watching, just lost their baby girl yesterday morning as well. She was born with heart problems and her life has been a long struggle full of prayers. Maybe it's just because I know her story, family and parents more that my heart reaches out in compassion toward them. I'm reminded how hard it is to lose someone. Especially a baby.
Filed taxes yesterday. Super late yes I know, but my main employer last year had sent out the W-2 forms, I'd lost them somewhere, recontacted them requesting a copy about three weeks ago, and they waited til yesterday morning to finally give me it. Talk about stressing...
I couldn't sleep last night, and around 2:30 Riley woke up and started bawling. His foot was really hurting him I guess. Growing pains are not fun at all, I know, I had them terribly. I held him for a while til he calmed down again, refilled his hot water bottle, and he fell asleep again. It's funny how by reaching out to others you tend to forget your own aches and hurts. After that I was able to fall asleep. Let's just say I'm extremely grateful we don't have school today.
I'm also grateful for wonderful friends. I told some of my best girl friends some happy news, and realized how much having someone to share your joy with, makes it even better. I wonder why we restrict ourselves from sharing in others joys. Often times instead of rejoicing for another we harboring selfish thoughts and self-pities. It's detrimental, to both ourselves and the other person. And it's hard. Anyway. Just something I realized and am going to try to do better in myself.

Funny things dreams. Truthfully I wonder at them. Sometimes they have significance, and other times, I think we put too much stock in the interpretation of them. Honestly.
Dreams, are just that. Dreams. Not reality. Of course, in order to make a dream reality, you have to have it first. Maybe I'm just too cynical.
But as for my experience, dreams show something, some part of yourself, that maybe you didn't see before. But to have dreams for others? I don't know. I don't know if I put much stock in that. Maybe it's just because I've had so many people telling me what to do, how and where they see me. I still balk. And freak out. Is this wrong? Is it wrong that I instinctively get turned off when someone tells me they have had a dream about.... something or another concerning me. That's their perspective of me. Not actually me.
I don't know. I don't know if it's wrong of me, to be like that. It also hasn't happened with some people. Maybe it's trust? Why do I trust one, and not another? Should I trust one the same as the other? My heart says no. I guess I should just listen a little more to it.
I'm too much of a person who tries to please others. And then I turn around and look at it all. The hurt I've caused by opening my big mouth and talking. The expectations, the unsaid ones. Those frighten me. The silences that have taken place of what used to be conversation. Because somehow words don't matter anymore. When it comes down to it all, actions are the truest witness.
Anyway, just thinking out loud I guess.

The *not so* Brief Update

So a lot has been happening. Especially in about the past week/week and a half. Spring break began on the 3rd with a half day. I walked out the door that morning and found someone I hadn't expected to see for a while leaned up against the side of my house watching the snow fall. I was too stressed to be pleasantly surprised like I was the last time he randomly showed up- sadly.
Anyway, I invited him in and left him in the kitchen talking to my grandmother, while I went to school. He talked to her the whole time I was gone. It made me laugh, there aren't many friends I have who can do that, but he is one of them.
After school we had a good time, got ice cream, went on a walk, all the usual stuff. Talked. It was good.
He'd come up for the youth retreat that Saturday and Sunday.
That is a whole 'nother story. Let's just say 36 hours and about 15 hours of sleep, don't sit too well with me. I was cranky. And all the stress that'd built up over these past few weeks was only beginning to come out.
Anyway, we got home Sunday afternoon, and stayed up until four that morning, talking again. Long story short, we knew we were going to be in major trouble but it had needed to happen :)
My parents found out the next day... when I walked in the door my uncle was wide awake. I was too tired to care though, I was going to tell them anyway, I just hadn't expected it to be like that. Oh well.
So Monday I travelled home, here to Utah, and that night he came over to my parents home and we straightened things out with them, telling them what we'd talked about and decided so late at night.
Bottom line is.... we're not talking for a month, absolute no contact, and then sometime in the future we're getting back together again. Super happy to finally be able to say that, and my parents are rather relieved we finally owned up to what was going on instead of insisting to 'just be friends'. Haha.
Tuesday I went to go see a friend from my old work and that night I left for my 'disappearing' with my girl friends. I was really really tired and actually we were supposed to have left that morning but I begged them to postpone it a little.
We went to Cedar City (for the first time I can ever remember going there, sad huh?) and stayed with one of the girl's aunts that first night. Then on to Saint George where we spent Wednesday and Thursday. I think we all learned a lot on that trip. Not that it actually came to outright fights or anything, but I realized how much I have changed, who I am. Seeing these girls that I've grown up with since before I can remember, and to see how we have changed, how we are different, and where we are the same, was really a needed experience. And we had fun too.
I found my wedding dress! Just kidding, actually, at the DI for $100, pretty much amazing. It was adorable and only needed a jacket for sleeves or something. It's a pity I didn't have $100 to spare. haha.
We took crazy pictures, fell asleep in the sun, played around in the pool, and did other sorts of insane things that only best friends can do and actually make look good.
Friday we came home, and I spent time with the family. Can I just say how much I'm looking forward to moving home with my family and the community we live in? It's wonderful.
Saturday morning I woke up with all the intentions of getting my car re-registered... and ended up crashing it into a cement barrier at the gas station, deploying the passenger side air bag and leaving even MORE repairs to be done. Seriously, it was really rather hard to see the bright spot in the whole mess. I still don't know how I'm going to be able to pay for it. But it's in God's hands and He'll provide. I do know that I'm grateful no one was hurt and that the damage was minimal.
At this point I was totally NOT in the mood to attend the dance that night and in desparate need of girl time so I called up my best friend Courtney and we arranged to meet up and hang out. But first there were other things to do. Like drive my sister to her friends house and meet up with a friend who'd been insisting we needed to talk face to face for a while. He was right. The conversation needed to take place, there were too many miscommunications that had to be cleared up. It happened, life goes on. What needed to be said was said. Granted it could have taken place better than it did. But the past is in the past.
After that I got to spend hours with Court, catching up on everything. Oh there was tons to cover. Then we drove up to Heber City to visit a friend I call Amazing Boy. He'd just gotten his wisdom teeth removed the day before and boy did I have sympathy for him!
The whole evening was wonderful and completely what I needed.
Sunday was a good day, Easter morning always seems to be beautiful, doesn't matter where you are. I was able to chat for a little bit with my engaged friend. He's marrying one of my best friends come this June, and has always been so encouraging and supportive of me and my dreams. Haha, unfortunately he seems to know that every girl in the world has at one point or another, had a crush on him. So he tends to think all girls love him. Which, he's right, about 90% of the time. It's just the other 10% he is oblivious to. And that makes me laugh.
Then we went over to my aunt's house and did an Easter Egg Hunt. Dad hid these Starburst jellybeans... I don't know if we ever did manage to find all of them. It was tons of fun.
Now I'm here, waiting for news on my car.... and hopefully I can get home in time to teach tomorrow morning. Life goes on!

No more blue screen

Hey look! I'm back up and running! Haha. And then will be off again for Spring Break.
Tomorrow is a half day and then a glorious 11 day break! Haha yay! I'm SO excited, I cannot even tell you. This break is MUCH needed.
Umm, life's happening. Kind of going through a cranky stage, but this too shall pass.
Nolen is adorable and so wonderful to hold. The weather is trying to be Spring but likes the snow too much to say goodbye all the way. Which I'm ok with. Nothing better than the feel of snowflakes on your eyelashes :D

What have you learned?

Tomorrow are PTC's! Ahhh!
It just hit last night. Yay for stresses! haha
We had a really good faculty meeting and I had the opportunity of talking with the principal about next year. Saddening to realize that this is just a one year thing, seriously I got really... sad.
All this, will no longer be my reality, just a memory with lasting effects.
We were discussing a certain young boy and he posed the question "Is he ready for 4th grade?"
...... wow. Ummm.
Honestly? I don't think so.... and that is something else that slightly really makes me sad. What have I done to really honestly prepare him for learning more? I mean. Yeah.
What do you do with that?
I hope that he has learned to be a better student, to learn more, but I seriously think he'd benefit from summer school or something. A tutor. One on one learning so he doesn't feel that he's lost in the crowd. Oh! IDEA! Maybe I can tutor him over the summer? Maybe? I don't know. Maybe even someone else
I feel it would be really beneficial though. Maybe I can talk with his parents and arrange something? Maybe? This will be cool to follow-up with.
Baby has a name now! Nolen Adan Stoker. Haha :) Out of 70 grandchildren he is the first to actually have been named directly after my grandfather Adan (pronounced Uh-don, for white people who slaughter the Spanish language lol). We have Adam's galore, but none with his exact name. Until now. Kind of cool to think about.
Been walking a lot lately, it's wonderful. I love the ability God has given us to DO things. To be able to walk, dance, and exercise. To grow. To change. Pretty incredible huh?

Happiness is a Choice

I hate goodbyes. They are not fun.
Ok, now that I've gotten that said, on to happier things.
Yes, my sisters are gone. They left right after Sunday School yesterday morning. I miss them already but the fact that I will be home in two weeks gives me great happiness, and I'm not gonna lie, moving back home will be a totally welcome development.
I got a letter today! Absolutely love letters :D It's actually a little bit ridiculous how happy I get when I have one. I should write my missionary friends more often though.... and other friends who email me.... sorry guys.
It's sunshiny and wonderful today! My student Alley brought me some flowers today, buttercups to be exact. Picked right out of the field and still smelling wonderful, it was amazing! :D
It's been raining these past few days, I love the rain.
School is good. Really these kids are such good friends to me, it's more than I deserve sometimes.
Music class is now over though, it ended for the year at the performance they had this past Friday. Some are happy, others sad, but one thing's for sure, it'll be here again next year.
We are onto the last quarter of the school year.... insane huh? But not really, I can't wait for it to be over, even while I know it will be sorely missed. So life goes on, and it's just what we need, right when we need it.
I'm reading Isaiah Decoded, wonderful book, although truthfully I do wish he'd use more references in his text. Anyway, I love it very much, and I'm learning a lot of things. Some that I already 'know'. That is something I've come to realize about the gospel. How much most of it, I seem to have already known all along. It's more of a remembering. "Oh yes, this is the way it is"
Something I love about the gospel is how much it just MAKES SENSE. It just does. Truth always will. The parts that seem to be confusing are only because we muddy the waters and are imperfect in our application of the gospel to everyday life sometimes.
I was reading something aloud to Lisa about how trials are there to exalt us, and she commented something I wanted to share, because it struck me as well. It's on pages 50-53 for those who care to read along and see really what the book said but basically the principle it was discussing was how in order to ascend to heaven, we have to temporarily descend into hell. Our loyalty in the blood-covenant with Christ will be tested, so God knows who it is that he can count on. The higher the ascent, the lower the temporary descent. And Lis said this:
"It's so funny with things like this how much it's more of an 'in one ear, out the other' kind of thing" and I was like What? She went on to explain. How much we *already know* at least in theory, if not in fact, that God gives us trials because he loves us, but when we're in the middle of the trial, we always seem to ask Why? Why Me?
I agree with her. Funny thing isn't it?