Late nights & baking

Twas the night before Thanksgiving and all through the houses.... Frantic preparations were still being completed.
Ok. So it doesn't exactly rhyme. At all.
But you cannot tell me I am The ONLY one who is still awake, with eyelids propped open, waiting for this last something or another (in my case, dinner rolls) to finish cooking/baking/being ready. Because of course you can't just wait til tomorrow to do it because the turkey will be occupying the oven & other 'last minute' foods that really do have to be last minute, will be hogging all the counter space & dishes.
So here I am sitting at the computer in an attempt to stay awake long enough to finish tonight.
Meanwhile my darling hubby heads off to bed to catch some shut-eye, (he hasn't been feeling well today so I can't blame him,) and I get the couch with the alarm set for when I need to yet again punch down the dough & wait another hour for it to rise so I can punch it back down again :P
All for the name of a feast of food.
Oh for the love of Americans & their obsession with stuffing themselves.
On the more serious note,
This coming day IS in remembrance of a time when our forebearers didn't have enough food.
I guess.... if you care to put it into prespective like that, waiting til 2 in the morning to go to sleep because you're preparing to celebrate the blessings of food, home & family, is a little more tolerable.
Right?

They're finally getting married!

Yep. My most amazingly wonderful best friend has finally got a ring on her left hand finger that isn't a CTR ring. And people can stop doing secondlooks to make sure.
I'm SUPERBLY happy for her :D and for me. Because instead of being 9+ hours away, she'll be only a few minutes. And that means the world to me. I've missed her so horribly much. Now if I can just be patient enough to wait through the time where they disappear off the face of the earth like every good young married couple do..... haha :)
She's marrying an awesome guy. Super friendly- outgoing, talkative, not shy. Everything she isn't. Well, I should just say, everything she isn't around strangers. He'll be so good for her. And he's totally head-over-heels for her.
Don't you just love Love? :D

Family Photo Shoot

Happened yesterday. Something LONG overdue. The last family photo we had taken without someone in a wedding dress was two (technically four though) children ago. My little brother who is now 4 was the baby at 6 months old. We've added two girls, and two boys (through marriage) to the family and in those past four years, we've all done a lot of growing up.
My 'little' brothers aren't so little anymore... pretty sure they might pass me up in height before they finish growing, and they definitely have more manly looks to them.
My middle sister- is coming to her own womanhood & will be dropdead GORGEOUS when she gets there. Not that she isn't already.
And the little boys are so adorable. They didn't have the opportunity of a million shots of them all growing up, like us older kids did. And I think that's one of the reasons I really came to want this photo shoot to come off well.
Because each of these wonderful siblings of mine, have an amazing personality, a kind of beauty that comes only from the sweetness & love they live with every day. And I want them to SEE that when they grow older.
It makes me tear up, because this, my Family, are what makes my life worth living. The love and meaning they have distilled upon me, implanted in me, is so incredible.
Sam was AMAZING about it all. He got to watch me stress about planning it all & came along for the ride & to give support. Which he did, wonderfully. He did great at keeping the kids all together & helping out.
I'll let you in on a secret. He really doesn't like photo shoots. Never really has. His family takes a lot of formal family pictures, and from what he's said, they result in a lot of headache and crying of children. Which is totally understandable for as large a family as he has.
But still leaves him not exactly jumping for joy about the prospect of another photo shoot. He always says he doesn't understand why pictures are such a big thing, that if we're always behind the lense watching, we're not living. I can see his point, but I think he doesn't quite get the amazing clarity you can find behind the lense of a camera. The way LIFE falls into place, something you couldn't have done alone, needed help changing perspectives.
That, is why I love photography.

Have You Done Any Good in the World Today?

Today is Saturday. It's a chilly, rainy-looking day & I am off to go help my sister paint her house :)
Later my mother & siblings will be coming over to help finish harvesting all the grapes still left on the vines next to my house. It'll be a good day & I just wanted to share with you a little of that greatfulness & gratefulness. I wish you all the best too!

Home Alone

And loving it!
Can't tell you how rare an occasion this is. To have EVERYONE out of the house? It's very odd. But I'm too happy about it to care about the weirdness of it :)
I've been thinking lately, about how once you're married, there is a very fine balance between joining with this person you absolutely adore & creating a life together, becoming as one, and retaining your sense of self. You need both, very much so. I just find as time goes on, I'll be sitting there & realize that my handsome & loving husband does so much talking, sometimes it's hard for me to get a word in edge-wise. Ironic no?
Isn't the girl supposed to be the noisy one?
Well I'm not nearly as talkative as I listen. Why? Because I know the value in having someone listen to you. I understand that, so I do my best to be that person for people. Not that I don't like to gab people's ears off, because I can & will do from time to time- I just realize it's not always about Me, and for the most part, other people don't feel listened to enough. Which, I have discovered by reading The Female Brain by Louann Brizendine, (interesting book, it sheds a lot of light on how hormones majorly affect women,) that women need to feel included & connected to. (Duh, I could have told you that) But how do they express it? I'd definitely recommend the book, just know to take it with a grain of salt or two.
Back to what I was originally getting at. Sometimes- not very often, but it does happen- I feel swallowed up, shut up, or muted. Not that said husband is actively doing anything to 'make me feel that way' I say that because honestly he's not, he's being himself, his loving, caring, normal, human, self.
And also no one can 'make me feel' any way I don't allow them to.
Sometimes I let myself start to get lost. Now, I suppose I could use the quote "Lose yourself in Christ & you will find yourself" but I don't think God ever meant we were supposed to lose our opinions, loves, thoughts & feelings. That would be called dead. We were sent to this earth to LIVE.
This is my life, my person, and my choices. I choose to live. I chose & am choosing to live a life of love, gratitude, & service, even if it is only in small ways.
'Life' has a way of getting in the way & helping us forget what we really know & choose. Getting us to think we need to be busier than is healthy, do more than is physically possible, and stretch until we are emotionally exhausted. That is not me though.
So, it's at moments like these, when the house is quiet but for the noises I choose to allow into my life, that I rejoice in the chance I have to remind myself, who I am.

Got to love Love

Every road that I've been down
The only truth that I have found
There's only one thing I can't live without
You.

-It's a song by Rascal Flatts, and even though Sam really doesn't like their sound (he says it's too whiney) it made me think of him :)
He's out of town this week and our wedding anniversary is this Saturday.
I can't believe I have the wonderful chance at forever with my best friend. It still makes me so happy to think about.
I really can't live without him, he is so much a part of who I am.
I think about that sometimes, when I'm missing him while he's away. That if I didn't know he would be coming home soon, I might not know how to keep living. Life just wouldn't quite make sense.
Haha, I hope no one thinks I'd go suicidal if somehow he died soon, because I'm totally not that kind of person. I'd keep living, but a very large part of me would be gone, and I'd miss him terribly.
He is the sanity in my life, the laughter, the meaning behind the 'why', the person who completes me.
I love you Sammy :)
So much.

We've moved!

Yep, it's true! To my grandma's home in West Jordan. We're almost all the way through everything... our room is still a slight disaster. It'll get there though.
I want to just take this opportunity to say how grateful I am that we had the experience of living with Sam's parents for the past six/seven months :) I honestly think it was the best thing for us. You see before Sam & I got married we didn't spend a lot of time around his family... I didn't necessarily feel like I had a place in their family, it's well established & there are older siblings already married & so I all the sudden went from a well-known place of Oldest Daughter & Child, to somewhere in the middle of somewhere. It was rather... different. But now I have relationships with his family, and I don't feel such a stranger.
Oh it hasn't necessarily been all peachy keen all the time, there were plenty of frustrations & hurt feelings, stepped on toes & unsaid/unmet expectations. And washing dishes for 14+ people did get overwhelming more often than not. I'm as guilty as the next person of not pulling my 'full weight' sometimes.
Through it all I've learned firsthand a lot about the family I married into, about my husband, and about myself. And I love them :)
I am grateful for this chance to have more space though. And to actually cook our own food *gasp!* haha

This Saturday is a special day...

It's the day before my dad's birthday. And boy am I so grateful for that man :) He's been a wonderful father & loving support through the years. It hasn't always felt that way, but now I can honestly say my daddy is the best daddy. It's been good. He's a good example to me & even though sometimes it hasn't necessarily felt like we've got the closest relationship, I know he will always be there for me when and if I need him.
He's been going through a lot of changes lately & adapted rather well. I know God is working with and through him to do great things :)
I just want him to know today how much I love him & look up to him, now and always. Love you daddy :) xoxoxox

It's so good to be alive

Really.
This week has been a little overwhelming to say the least.
Monday on the way to drop Sam off to his carpool (he was driving, I was still only half-awake) we got into a car accident. It was either a ditch and a post, or a train. We opted for the first one.
That same day we found out/decided that he'll be heading to Hawaii for work. It was still up in the air as to when he'd be leaving, sometime next week supposedly.
Tuesday was relatively uneventful, I slept a ton (probably aftermath of emotions catching up with me)
By Wednesday I was so ready to be out of the house- we've been staying at his parents home in Lehi-, so that night we went on a 'date' to Barnes and Noble where I got the phone call that my sister is now engaged. yeah.
I started this post on Thursday, but now it's Saturday and we are back home in Mount Pleasant. Sam's flight leaves Monday at 11 am. I'll be staying with my parents most of the time he's away, but I'm hoping to land a job and take a visit to Montana as well.
Maybe. And just maybe, he'll be home in time for Valentines Day. We can always hope right?

It's January

Nothing quite reminds you of that more than the smog currently inhabiting the valley floor right? I was driving to my sister-in-law's baby shower last night and it was amazing the difference between Salt Lake and Utah counties. This morning there wasn't much of one, but still, I know what I saw, and it WAS clear in Utah county last night. Makes me grateful I don't live in this yucky air all the time. My grandma's house (where we are staying currently while Sam has work up here) is smack dab in the middle of the city, but excepting the fog you couldn't really tell, here on this sleepy dead end road of a street. I've always loved her house. Just pick it up and move it into the country where it truly belongs (and where it was, a mere 40 years ago) and I would be content to spend the rest of my life is such a house as this.
The wisdom and love from the amazing people who have made this house a home has crept into every nook and cranny of this lovely rambler and it's home to many a pleasant memory for me. It's where I learned the art of cookie making, the joy of the sound of a piano, where I got my first ballet lessons, cake decorating lessons, and so many more lessons on the nuances of life, both adolescent and adult. This is the home that has hosted so many Easter egg hunts, 4th of July celebrations, Christmases and Thanksgivings, and so many more gatherings, even once holding our family as we grieved the passing of a beloved uncle, son, brother, and friend. Yet there was laughter there too, as we recalled so many memories now engraved in our hearts.
This is a place I run for solace, when the world has gone crazy and I'm unsure of myself and the path I should take. For here I regain my bearings and recommit to myself and who I am becoming.
Isn't that what January is all about? Recommiting, rededicating, and recentering.

Pregnant women make me laugh

It's true. I have so many friends and family members pregnant right now it's crazy! One of my friends just found out she is expecting and they were only married a month before Sam and I, she's been a wonderful friend, one I've had for years now, and she currently lives only 15 minutes away from me so it kind of struck home (no pun intended) that "Hello! I get to see a friend be pregnant!" I mean sure my sister-in-law LaRee is pregnant but they are on their fifth child so it's not quite the same experience for her as it is for this friend or how it will be for me when I get that chance. It makes me laugh though because observing different women and how they handle their pregnancies, I find all sorts of behavior from one end of the spectrum to the other and it makes me wonder what I'll be like when I'm prego.
Something else that cracks me up is that my mother just had a baby in November and she looks like she could be mine so when I walk around in public with her in my arms people we know give me strange looks and I know exactly what they're thinking aka "She hasn't been married long enough to have a baby, am I missing something here?" or "I didn't know it'd been that long, how could... what?" haha No. I was not seven months along when we got married, that would be my mother :D And I just get the blessing of vicariously calling her mine.
Anyway, my sweetheart is falling asleep on the floor next to me, I think it's time for bed. Night all!

I'm back!

Wow. Talk about a LOOONNNNGGG time since I've updated this part of my life. Anyway, I'm LOVING being married. It's definitely different, but super good. My husband is super amazing & I'm just grateful he can put up with me while I learn more about myself and living with others. We moved down to Mount Pleasant and are living in a 100+ year old house (believe me, the heating bill is definitely showing it) that is quite quaint. It actually used to be a dress shop that the older woman who lived here before the current owners, ran in the front of the house while living in the back portion. Got to love the history you can find everywhere here.
I just found out that one of the Presidents of the Church's grandparents were born and lived in Mount Pleasant... can't remember which one currently, but I knew once lol. I've been on this reading spree. Can't even tell you how much I LOVE the library here. Sam does too, just for different reasons than I ;) haha. I've made a decision that for every novel I pick up I have to read some book that isn't fiction. It's been interesting, I'm currently finishing up a book on the similarities between Thomas Jefferson & Joseph Smith- I love the Founding Fathers.
Haven't found a job yet but I'm hoping to make this venture with a work-at-home company go through. We'll just have to see, keep your fingers crossed.
I've been seeing a chiropractor and physical therapist for my car accident injuries-- I hope to be soon finished with that chapter of my life and onto better health. I've learned a lot from my physical therapist though, a nice guy by the name of Ben. Just different exercises to strengthen core muscles and the best part is that they aren't strenuous at all :D gotta love that!
My mom just had her 11th child, a beautiful baby girl they've named Sienna Rose. She's got more hair than all of my mom's kids combined, with the exception of myself perhaps :) I actually DID have hair when I was born.
It's been different, being away from home... when Home isn't really my home anymore. I miss them TONS. It makes coming Home fun though, every time I walk through the door my 3 year old brother greets me with a huge hug and a "You're HOME!!!" haha. Oh how I love that boy.
Anyway, it's getting late and I'm tired so I'll wrap this up for now. Much love and happiness heading your way!

Ten days and counting!

Well. It's been a while hasn't it?
And we are now down to the last ten days of my single life. Oh goodness! I can't even tell you how wonderful everything is and has been this past month.
Everytime I look at Sam I thrill inside to know that soon I'll be marrying my best friend and most wonderful sweetheart. The man I can support and love for eternity. He is such a constant strength and has been the whole time I've known him. I can only pray I'll be as good for him as he has been for me.
We'll be moving down to Mount Pleasant, into a house with his brother Taylor and his wife LaRee, they are such wonderful people and I am so grateful that we'll have the chance to learn from their examples in such close contact. God has been so gracious and continues to guide our lives, I cannot praise His name enough.
Our family and friends have all been so supportive and helpful with everything in preparation and I continually marvel at the wonderful people God has placed in my life.
Thank you everyone :)

Hi and bye again

Wow, long time no news. Sorry about that. Well, I'm engaged. Officially now :D
He did a great job with it too. We went back to the first place we kissed, where he pulled out the ring and proposed. Pretty much I was totally NOT expecting it, I was completely shocked and extremely pleasantly surprised. Haha :)
My birthday went well, it was a good day. Went to the park and had cake and ice cream with the fam.
The date for our wedding is set for September 25th. A little less than seven weeks away. Yay!
And crazy.
Well the dress I ordered... wasn't what I wanted. So instead his mom is making my wedding dress. I'm grateful she's such a great seamstress.
My family is leaving on the trek this week, I get to stay home and babysit :) It shouldn't be a real challenge since I'll only have the little ones. We'll have fun.
So pretty much, I'm marrying the most wonderful guy ever. He's so sweet to me. I love how we can communicate, and things always get worked out in the end. I only hope I can be as good for him, as he has been for me.

Weddings Weddings Weddings

Yes. The very reason I'm down here in Utah actually haha. Not that I wouldn't want to come see my family, but the three weddings spred across two weekends is why I have a week and a half long vacation.
Sam's brother Brigham and his girl Mandy got married this past weekend. Super happy for them, they are two very wonderful people :) The reception happened to fall on a rather cloudy, windy day, but it turned out well, after the vases of flowers had to be turned on their sides, the tent where refreshments were being served kept hitting into the server girls and the little decorations in the trees got blown into the branches.
My friends Ryan and Tabetha got married two days ago as well. Their story is a little more fraught with difficulties than perhaps would have been wanted, but they are happy together and know it's right, so what else matters? I got to meet the fiance of another one of my friends at their wedding, that was really nice, he's a great guy.
Then this coming weekend I get to wish two of my best friends congratulations for they are also getting married. This time I get to be a bridesmaid, we'll have fun with that :)
I think the appropriate quote at this time would go something like this one "Love is in the air"
For you see, my sister is now dating someone too :) He's a really great guy, and I'm so happy for them. Good luck sis!

All Done

I'm not a teacher anymore. At least, not here. Not to those kids.
It's done.
Today was our awards assembly and final goodbyes. I'll miss them. Thankfully though, I can see these kids walking down the street and playing at the park. It will do my heart good.
And now that it's over, I'd like to introduce you to the 14 people I've fallen in love with over these past 8 months.
My Kids
Jeff- red headed fiery spirited boy. A whiz at Math and a lover of sports. He's got a lot of energy, and will do well in anything he wants to.
Johnny- an artistic child, his pictures often had more detail in one of them than others had in six different projects put together. His sense of humor and sensitivity is something I've come to love so much.
Sylvia- this smartie took school off for about a month due to injuries, and jumped right back in to finish the school year at the top of the class
Seth- he is EXTREMELY quiet. Hardly ever smiles. And very... reserved, even withdrawn. But get him away from an adult setting, one where he is expected to be quiet, and he blossoms out into a hilarious character that can make all of us roll on the ground with laughter. His smiles and laughter are treasures.
Kailey- One word to sum up her is: Angel. She is a perfectly well behaved little girl. Always willing to learn and try something new. She's just gorgeous and so kind.
Russell- Wow. I cannot tell you how much I admire this boy. He... is just incredible. Not exactly a "straight A student" but he has a wisdom much further than any books could teach. Crazy and rowdy, full of life, and I love it. A genuine leader who doesn't overpower, but rather allows each person to add to the strength of the group. It's been a privilege to see him work with others.
Rosalie- Funny, sweet Rosalie. She brought me enough flowers over this past year to fill an entire flower shop.
Mika- Now, this girl is one I've had to learn to love, a little bit more than the others. Maybe it's just that our personalities clash a bit. She loves drama and will often be the cause or right in the middle of it. Very caring though, and I honestly don't know how we'd have gotten through the year without her.
Michael- he is what I'd have to call my 'problem child'. More than that anything with him, I've had to learn how to deal with his parents. That has been an adventure. He's SO CLOSE though. So close! to getting it. To understanding that he is worth it, and that learning really does matter. I just hope he doesn't give up on it before he learns how rewarding it is.
Michaela- A sweet child. She is a hard worker and will take her time on a project, often to the point of dawdling, but in the end it's worth every minute she spent on it.
Alley- Gorgeous, wonderful, helpful, incredible girl. I love her so much. Her little eyes light up when she understands something like it's the most wonderful thing in the world! And I just loved being able to see it.
Alano- This is 'my' boy. The one I've cried more tears of frustration over and laughed at his silly stubbornness time and time again. He really does love more than he'll ever want to admit
Aubrey- My letter girl. We exchanged notes time and time again- just little things that helped us connect.
Alexia- I know I'm not supposed to pick favorites, but they all are, in their different ways. I love Lexy because she is most like me. Except about ten times more talkative. haha
And those are my kids. The ones I will look forward to seeing graduate, marry, and have kids. All the while thinking "I taught them once upon a time!"

Just a little piece of the story

Home again home again jiggity jog. The Utah home that is.
We got in at 3 this morning. Good thing I don't really have anything planned today :)
Well, there we go, the last of my dad's siblings has now been married off. Now for the grandkids. haha, though after this weekend we will have two already checked off.
It's so funny, Martene's mom is SUCH a match maker and I'm sure if she wouldn't have been thoroughly occupied with wedding preparations she could have found someone for everyone. She'd already planned on introducing my divorced uncle to a lady who also didn't end up being able to attend. Just makes me laugh.
I could start to tell all about the trip but honestly, you'd have to be there to appreciate most of it.
The people down there are lovely, wonderful, happy people. Oh you should have SEEN their houses, they were pretty much incredible. AMAZING, in other words. I wish I could have had a better camera than just my phone to snap pictures with.
The wedding went well, I think for them, it was perfect. I would have done some things differently, but that's just because my taste is different from Martene's :)
The groom looked snazzy, like, as my aunt pointed out, he always does. Martene is one lucky girl. James is one of those guys you can't help but love for all the kindness and consideration that he has.
And he didn't do too badly himself. He's got a wife who knows how to cook, sew, sing, play the piano, slaughter animals, is learning how to deliver babies, and to top it all off, is one of the most gorgeous people I know. Both inside and out.
To see them together did my heart good, to see how absolutely In Love they are, how they are best friends and the look in his eyes when she first began to walk down that isle, there are no words. You'd have to be there to know.

Amazing Strength

I love my father. He is such a strength to me.
He called me yesterday and we chatted for a bit before he had to go pack for camping. It was good though :)
Ironic how you don't realize how much stress you're under until someone bothers listening and asking how you're doing and really meaning it.
Last night we did finally get to go bowling, it was good. I think the highest score was 60. Amazing huh? Haha, I love my boys so much. Like I told Cassandra- Nothing like an overdose of underdeveloped testosterone. They make me laugh though. And are really sweet and boyish, for lack of a better word, when not around other grown ups. Funny how people put on an act for those older than they.
Then came home and watched El Cid with my grandma. It's a good movie, true story, etc etc. Long, but good. They have some interesting camera angles and lighting in the film. The thing that amazed me so much about them was how determined they were to do right, this man and his wife. They sacrificed a lot, but in return, gained what truly mattered. The knowledge and comfort that comes from living your life according to principles of truth and right. Even though it meant facing death and suffering possibly everyday of their lives.
Made me want to be that kind of person, having that strength. To support my husband in what we knew was right.
Just extremely inspiring and, if perchance you have an extra three hours with nothing to do, go watch it.

Grandma Rhoda

Today is my grandma's birthday. She's a wonderful grandma. I used to think she was one of those people who was perpetually young, could never grow old, and was as close to an angel as you'd ever get. Life hasn't been easy, but she's borne every trial with a queen's grace and strength. Come to find out, after Parkinson's, divorce from her longtime spouse and love, the death of her youngest son, and various trials life has attempted to beat her down with, I was pretty much right on the mark when it came to who she is.
Sure, life has taken it's toll and she does have a hard time talking correctly sometimes- the affect of Parkinson's. But can I just say I will always and forever love being held by her. I'm her baby girl. She is the one person who can cuddle me just perfectly. Since Parkinson's has set in it is hard for her hands to stay still, but I love it, I love holding them. I love watching them, through the years, making bread, cookies, doing hair, folding laundry, canning, baking, sweeping, clapping. A perfect expression of her.
So many memories of this wonderful woman. She was the one who introduced me to the wonders of dryers. And dancing. And tree houses. And peaches, apricots, and sour pie cherries. "Snowball" bushes, lilacs, and wild roses. Bleeding hearts- the flower, although she has, though the years, been a refuge for many scraped up, bleeding, and broken hearts. Climbing ivy, and those little purple flowers that grow on some sort of ground cover. Her yard has always been a wonderful place. Swings, trampoline, basketball court, volleyball net, apple trees, croquet. Family get togethers, hot dog and marshmallow roasts. Yes. Those are the things that really matter. You see, here it was we learned what love is, what family means.
Somewhere between the piano lessons and cookie making lessons, decorating gingerbread houses, cleaning out the shed and vacuuming the front room floor, she was able to portray to us the value of simply taking the time to slow down and smell the flowers. Appreciate the simple, little things of life. For that's what really matters.
I hope she knows how much she affects all who know her for the better. Her life has been one of service to others, her family, children, grandchildren, friends, complete strangers that soon became friends, neighbors, and so many more.
I'm grateful to be able to claim her for my grandmother and wonderful friend and want to take this time to yet again, express my love and appreciation for her. I love you grandma :)

Unknown supporters

I was thinking about yesterday, when we went to see Chelle's sister play her basketball game. It got over and we were walking out when she came back from the dressing room and asked us if we knew how much they'd lost by, we said Yeah, we saw most of the game. She hadn't even seen us. We'd sat there, hurried from what it was we'd been doing when her game started, sat on the bleachers and watched. To show our support for her. And she didn't even notice. Which was alright, not a big deal at all, we'd had fun being there and chatting with those around us.
It made me think though of the times perhaps I have had others cheering for me, wanting what is best and being there to support me, when I didn't even bother to look up in the "bleachers" and appreciate it. How many people have been there through my life, affecting it in countless ways, and I didn't even know it.
And then there are those who I do know the affect they've had on my life. While on our walk the topic of boys came up (hey, we're girls, what can you expect?) and I started thinking of all the things I have learned from certain men that have come into my life. Even certain women. For the most part, those who have past, I know what roles they played. But for those who are still here, I don't quite know. Which is fine, their role is not finished.
I've learned a lot from those people. All of them.
I learned that I can't fix everyone's hurts, I am not the answer to every question, I cannot be what someone sees me as when it is not true to my heart. I have learned the unique power that comes from doing what you know is right. I have learned that sometimes it's all you can do to just let them know you love them. I have learned I can love someone in an unselfish way, I have learned to not let someone else's voice speak for my own. I have learned to guard myself. I have learned that while I am not the answer to EVERY question others have, I do need to get my own answers, and sometimes, they are within myself. I have learned to not make excuses for behavior, my own included. I have learned to be a friend. I have learned how to genuinely pray. I have learned to hurt. I have learned it is possible to be happy despite what anyone else has to say. I have learned what it feels like to float on the clouds, and that sometimes things come crashing down, but others, when it's really right, will just gently set you down on steady ground. I have learned how to share. I have learned to control my jealousy. I have learned how to open my soul to the strength I have in Christ. I have learned that sometimes things need to get ugly so you can really appreciate the beauty. I have learned that I have lost much, but gained all I ever need. I have learned to cry. I have truly learned that I am not perfect. I have learned to laugh. I have learned from the past, so that my future can be all the more brighter.
These are all things I have learned, and will continue to learn everyday, on different levels and different situations of life. But that's what life is, learning.