Newlywed Stress

So..... I'm overhearing this conversation between a friend and her friend, my friend having been recently married to a super amazing guy, who just happens to want to have kids really soon. Like really soon. They've been married just over a month & a half & the poor girl is already stressing out over the fact that they aren't pregnant. I kind of... really want to laugh and cry for their situation.
Statistically speaking, if you are 20 years old, have all your ducks in a row, and the timing perfect, you still have an 80% chance of 'failure' to concieve.
Which, made me feel better when I heard that.
80% of couples are able to concieve within the first year of trying, 93% within the first 2 years of trying.
So there is nothing wrong with not getting pregnant right after you get married. I really wish people would take this into consideration.
But the truth of the matter is you don't even think about it until after you're married. I mean, yes you kind of give it a few thoughts before the "I do's" but you don't spend hours and days wondering if this time is 'the time' and you'll get a positive on that pregnancy test. Or if some little change in the schedule of your body might mean something's different this time.
And the thought that something might be seriously wrong with your body doesn't really cross your mind until you're married. And the honest jealousies & unresolved emotions don't set in until you've watch other friends concieve & have their babies in the time since you've been married.
The rest of the women population who were able to have a baby soon after, or without even trying, will never understand that.
But there are a few jewel women who do. You're never alone, someone DOES understand the heartache and heartbreak.
And that knowledge, gives me strength.

Oh isn't life wonderful?

Truthfully.
It's just somewhat hard to remember that when you're in a lot of pain, or constant pain. Particularly when the two are combined.
I visited a friend today and besides coming away feeling more 'in place' physically than I've felt in a long time, I have also been reminded of how much other people can infact relate to what I'm going through, and of how grateful I should be, that I don't usually get this sick- Ever.
I'm already into week 3 and while I AM getting better, I'm so ready to just BE there.
The last time I remember being this ill was at least 10+ years ago.
When in reality, people I know personally, anticipate & know, that with the approach of winter, it means they will be ill.
Growing older and having health problems is a terrible price to pay for wisdom don't you think? But I don't know that there is any other way to truly learn.
Anyway.
I've done a lot of searching inside lately, and I have come to the conclusion that I am profoundly grateful for my family.
Truthfully.
I realized that of the occasions people 'happen' to ask "So are you pregnant?", most of the time, ok, all of the time, with the exception of maybe two or three, it's my friends who ask this unknowingly extremely hurtful question.
Because the only answer to that is "No. But my sister is! Have you heard?"
Or just plain No.
Either is ugly & hurts more than anyone who has been blessed to concieve without trying, will ever know.
And for the fact that I don't have to answer that to my family, is huge. It means so much.
So isn't life wonderful?

Tears

While I, being the wonderful, amazing female God has created me to be, tends to shed more than a few of those things, I can honestly say I don't see men cry often.
I guess that's a good thing though because if they really were as emotionally swayed as we women, the world would be in Trouble.
The tears I shed today came from pain.
It's amazing to me how well the human body can handle pain, but there is eventually going to be a breaking point. And I hit another one of mine today.
I'm tired of hurting, and then feeling ok, like I might be healing more. And then start hurting again. I'm tired of the emotional toll and rollercoaster this pain has been.
I just want to be well! I just want to feel better about it all. I just want to know that my body isn't broken.
Somedays I feel broken. Somedays I'm just so tired of hoping and having those hopes swept aside by another mountain of pain. Having to climb that mountain again, slowly building up hope that next time.
Next time, is another chance to be whole and well.
I know that God has what's best in the big picture, in mind for me. I just can't quite see it all yet.
And sometimes it's hard to hold on.
Sometimes you just need to cry.

Pregnant women make me laugh

It's true. I have so many friends and family members pregnant right now it's crazy! One of my friends just found out she is expecting and they were only married a month before Sam and I, she's been a wonderful friend, one I've had for years now, and she currently lives only 15 minutes away from me so it kind of struck home (no pun intended) that "Hello! I get to see a friend be pregnant!" I mean sure my sister-in-law LaRee is pregnant but they are on their fifth child so it's not quite the same experience for her as it is for this friend or how it will be for me when I get that chance. It makes me laugh though because observing different women and how they handle their pregnancies, I find all sorts of behavior from one end of the spectrum to the other and it makes me wonder what I'll be like when I'm prego.
Something else that cracks me up is that my mother just had a baby in November and she looks like she could be mine so when I walk around in public with her in my arms people we know give me strange looks and I know exactly what they're thinking aka "She hasn't been married long enough to have a baby, am I missing something here?" or "I didn't know it'd been that long, how could... what?" haha No. I was not seven months along when we got married, that would be my mother :D And I just get the blessing of vicariously calling her mine.
Anyway, my sweetheart is falling asleep on the floor next to me, I think it's time for bed. Night all!