Oh isn't life wonderful?

Truthfully.
It's just somewhat hard to remember that when you're in a lot of pain, or constant pain. Particularly when the two are combined.
I visited a friend today and besides coming away feeling more 'in place' physically than I've felt in a long time, I have also been reminded of how much other people can infact relate to what I'm going through, and of how grateful I should be, that I don't usually get this sick- Ever.
I'm already into week 3 and while I AM getting better, I'm so ready to just BE there.
The last time I remember being this ill was at least 10+ years ago.
When in reality, people I know personally, anticipate & know, that with the approach of winter, it means they will be ill.
Growing older and having health problems is a terrible price to pay for wisdom don't you think? But I don't know that there is any other way to truly learn.
Anyway.
I've done a lot of searching inside lately, and I have come to the conclusion that I am profoundly grateful for my family.
Truthfully.
I realized that of the occasions people 'happen' to ask "So are you pregnant?", most of the time, ok, all of the time, with the exception of maybe two or three, it's my friends who ask this unknowingly extremely hurtful question.
Because the only answer to that is "No. But my sister is! Have you heard?"
Or just plain No.
Either is ugly & hurts more than anyone who has been blessed to concieve without trying, will ever know.
And for the fact that I don't have to answer that to my family, is huge. It means so much.
So isn't life wonderful?

Tears

While I, being the wonderful, amazing female God has created me to be, tends to shed more than a few of those things, I can honestly say I don't see men cry often.
I guess that's a good thing though because if they really were as emotionally swayed as we women, the world would be in Trouble.
The tears I shed today came from pain.
It's amazing to me how well the human body can handle pain, but there is eventually going to be a breaking point. And I hit another one of mine today.
I'm tired of hurting, and then feeling ok, like I might be healing more. And then start hurting again. I'm tired of the emotional toll and rollercoaster this pain has been.
I just want to be well! I just want to feel better about it all. I just want to know that my body isn't broken.
Somedays I feel broken. Somedays I'm just so tired of hoping and having those hopes swept aside by another mountain of pain. Having to climb that mountain again, slowly building up hope that next time.
Next time, is another chance to be whole and well.
I know that God has what's best in the big picture, in mind for me. I just can't quite see it all yet.
And sometimes it's hard to hold on.
Sometimes you just need to cry.