Every bit

So mostly, I wonder at life. And the miracle that it is. The friends you meet along the way, the ones who change you for the better, and those who change you for good. Never to return to where you were before. The people who come in, and after a time, pass out of your life, leaving only memories and lessons learned while in their company. And those friends who stay there, and continue to grow with you. Who's to say someone is one type, and another the other? Simply time? Or something deeper, something you have control of, or just luck and chance?
I have friends like that right now, that I'm not sure if they're going to stay around for a long while, or simply, after a season, leave, leaving me with the whispers of times past and laughter and heartache. Does this mean that I should guard myself already with them, knowing, as I do, how great the risk is that they will leave and never return, that somehow, the closeness we share, will have to be sacrificed because we are not walking the same paths, or even similar ones, in life.
Or do I simply take things as they come, thank God for all, every tear, every laugh, every secret, every joy, every pain, every confusion. Is it worth it to me? To risk all, every bit of my heart that belongs to them, and know that I may be left somehow, missing them.
Where does the line belong, between just right, and not. Misjudging and miscalculation could result in terrible aching when lives no longer join, but then again, is life all about cold calculations and figures. Knowing the ending from the beginning, and callously passing judgments because of fears. Does that have place in my life?
Hanging in limbo is hard, but balance and serenity is what I seek. The only thing I know now, is that I don't want to lose this, but clinging to it too hard, making and wanting it to fit perfectly into a 'box' is not going to leave anything but hurt. Closing off and shutting down potential. Mighty power and love, grace and eloquence, pain and hurt. These all stand hand in hand. And I need to learn how to respect that. And then maybe I can find peace.