Awkward!

I went into this weekend knowing that it would teach me a lot. And being willing to learn. I learned a few things.
First of all, how perfectly normal it is for me to just be home, with my family, again. I really think I will just move back home when the summer comes instead of getting an apartment. I woke up Friday morning, as the kids were getting ready for school, and it just felt completely right. To be right there. With them. I mean, sure, we are cramped and rather tried for space, but it's home. Where I can snuggle anytime and hold my babies and read stories with them. Help them learn and grow. These are my kids. These are my best friends, my longest friends. They mean the world to me.
I also learned what it felt like to have let go of my ex-boyfriend. Which, might seem silly, but now, instead of being an 'ex' he is just one of my best friends. And that is where he's needed to be for some time. Really finally being able to let go and feel that release, was superbly weird, yet awesome at the same time. I mean, not gonna lie, I still do think he's attractive (which really makes no logical sense since there are far better looking guys around) but I have lots of friends I will readily admit are gorgeous looking. And not just the girls. It was just like, I didn't need to know that he was looking at me all the time, be talking to him all the time, or even be in the same vicinity as he was all the time. Admittedly, we did happen to talk a lot. But I didn't NEED it like I have in the past. Kind of funny thing to feel. Certainly not something I was used to, but I could very well get used to it. The not NEEDING him to be close.
I also learned that really, I am 100% happy and completely totally thoroughly happy to be single. I don't want anything. Anything more. I mean, it's not even flattering at this point. It reminded me of this notice I felt like posting once. Because I was so frustrated that every friendship I had seemed to be wanting more than I was willing to give, more than I had to give. As far as 'more than friends'. I didn't post it broadly, just sent it to a select few, my sister being one of them. She has it saved on her phone. Which made me really laugh, to see it still there. But it was so good to be reminded.
Something else I realized is that truthfully, there is always going to be a slight 'awkward' factor that plays into everything. I mean, you could make anything awkward if you really thought about it. But just because it has the potential to be, doesn't mean you need to feel awkward. It was interesting. I talked with this couple who in truth, I was completely fine with seeing, but they seemed to intentionally try to make things weird and strange and awkward. I did my best to not be affected by it, and I wasn't too much. But it was funny to see the immense potential there, for being awkward.
Awkward is a weird word anyway, very appropriately named.