Yay for messes!

Oh my goodness. I forget how messy Art is.... Or at least, well yeah. How messy Art is.
We painted today. Watercolor and tempra with sponges and straws that turned into finger painting and lots of... well, mess. It seems that most of the fun is in the mess.
It's also exhausting sometimes.
Shove it all away and come back tomorrow to clean up, I'm going to go play with my sisters!
If there is one thing their coming has made me realize, is how much I still have to relearn how to communicate. I knew how to once. And then all of the sudden, it was just gone. I mean sure, it was a gradual process that happened over time, but now that I realize how far I've slipped, it's a long climb back uphill. Welcome to life!
Another thing is that I've been really hormonal and things that shouldn't normally bug me as much, totally make me lose it. Like my aunt. I love her tons and I realize that she's just had a baby and so her hormones aren't altogether great and normal either, which just makes the fact that I take offense at some of the things she says, even worse.
It's been a long time since I've stormed away from the dinner table, let alone stormed away from ANYONE. And it wasn't really that I was mad either. I just couldn't handle being there.
So I left.
Hiked up the mountain in our backyard and found this magnificent resting spot. I want to take my best friend there sometime when he comes up. But anyway. Sat there and bawled. Because no matter how much I tried to be better, do better, change. It never seemed to be good enough. I still wasn't and am not, doing as good as I should.
I called my mom. She wasn't really in a good mood, and actually sort of chewed me out, but it was exactly what I needed. I didn't need someone to sooth my hurts and tell me that really, I'm doing all good again. Because I'm not. Don't tell me something that isn't true. That you don't know.
I realized something though. Running away is something I've been doing WAY too much of lately. Not that getting away from a situation isn't good sometimes, but all things in moderation is key. I've used it to cope way too much, and it's not healthy. In my running, I'm running away from those who mean the most to me. And that is what I need to change.
So now I'm going to go spend a wonderful weekend with my girls, to make up for the times I've neglected telling them how much they mean to me.