Car troubles

Someday..... we will again have a vehicle that doesn't require repairs every few hundred miles. Someday.
Until then, we will drive around vehicles that have windows that can't roll up or down, vehicles that the milage meter doesn't work, there is no stereo in, & no hazard lights button. Vehicles that have the clutch go out on them, vehicles that lose their timing belts because the tensioner seized up, vehicles that don't have much for power steering, etc etc.
At least we have something to get around in.

Family Photo Shoot

Happened yesterday. Something LONG overdue. The last family photo we had taken without someone in a wedding dress was two (technically four though) children ago. My little brother who is now 4 was the baby at 6 months old. We've added two girls, and two boys (through marriage) to the family and in those past four years, we've all done a lot of growing up.
My 'little' brothers aren't so little anymore... pretty sure they might pass me up in height before they finish growing, and they definitely have more manly looks to them.
My middle sister- is coming to her own womanhood & will be dropdead GORGEOUS when she gets there. Not that she isn't already.
And the little boys are so adorable. They didn't have the opportunity of a million shots of them all growing up, like us older kids did. And I think that's one of the reasons I really came to want this photo shoot to come off well.
Because each of these wonderful siblings of mine, have an amazing personality, a kind of beauty that comes only from the sweetness & love they live with every day. And I want them to SEE that when they grow older.
It makes me tear up, because this, my Family, are what makes my life worth living. The love and meaning they have distilled upon me, implanted in me, is so incredible.
Sam was AMAZING about it all. He got to watch me stress about planning it all & came along for the ride & to give support. Which he did, wonderfully. He did great at keeping the kids all together & helping out.
I'll let you in on a secret. He really doesn't like photo shoots. Never really has. His family takes a lot of formal family pictures, and from what he's said, they result in a lot of headache and crying of children. Which is totally understandable for as large a family as he has.
But still leaves him not exactly jumping for joy about the prospect of another photo shoot. He always says he doesn't understand why pictures are such a big thing, that if we're always behind the lense watching, we're not living. I can see his point, but I think he doesn't quite get the amazing clarity you can find behind the lense of a camera. The way LIFE falls into place, something you couldn't have done alone, needed help changing perspectives.
That, is why I love photography.

Have You Done Any Good in the World Today?

Today is Saturday. It's a chilly, rainy-looking day & I am off to go help my sister paint her house :)
Later my mother & siblings will be coming over to help finish harvesting all the grapes still left on the vines next to my house. It'll be a good day & I just wanted to share with you a little of that greatfulness & gratefulness. I wish you all the best too!

Home Alone

And loving it!
Can't tell you how rare an occasion this is. To have EVERYONE out of the house? It's very odd. But I'm too happy about it to care about the weirdness of it :)
I've been thinking lately, about how once you're married, there is a very fine balance between joining with this person you absolutely adore & creating a life together, becoming as one, and retaining your sense of self. You need both, very much so. I just find as time goes on, I'll be sitting there & realize that my handsome & loving husband does so much talking, sometimes it's hard for me to get a word in edge-wise. Ironic no?
Isn't the girl supposed to be the noisy one?
Well I'm not nearly as talkative as I listen. Why? Because I know the value in having someone listen to you. I understand that, so I do my best to be that person for people. Not that I don't like to gab people's ears off, because I can & will do from time to time- I just realize it's not always about Me, and for the most part, other people don't feel listened to enough. Which, I have discovered by reading The Female Brain by Louann Brizendine, (interesting book, it sheds a lot of light on how hormones majorly affect women,) that women need to feel included & connected to. (Duh, I could have told you that) But how do they express it? I'd definitely recommend the book, just know to take it with a grain of salt or two.
Back to what I was originally getting at. Sometimes- not very often, but it does happen- I feel swallowed up, shut up, or muted. Not that said husband is actively doing anything to 'make me feel that way' I say that because honestly he's not, he's being himself, his loving, caring, normal, human, self.
And also no one can 'make me feel' any way I don't allow them to.
Sometimes I let myself start to get lost. Now, I suppose I could use the quote "Lose yourself in Christ & you will find yourself" but I don't think God ever meant we were supposed to lose our opinions, loves, thoughts & feelings. That would be called dead. We were sent to this earth to LIVE.
This is my life, my person, and my choices. I choose to live. I chose & am choosing to live a life of love, gratitude, & service, even if it is only in small ways.
'Life' has a way of getting in the way & helping us forget what we really know & choose. Getting us to think we need to be busier than is healthy, do more than is physically possible, and stretch until we are emotionally exhausted. That is not me though.
So, it's at moments like these, when the house is quiet but for the noises I choose to allow into my life, that I rejoice in the chance I have to remind myself, who I am.

Got to love Love

Every road that I've been down
The only truth that I have found
There's only one thing I can't live without
You.

-It's a song by Rascal Flatts, and even though Sam really doesn't like their sound (he says it's too whiney) it made me think of him :)
He's out of town this week and our wedding anniversary is this Saturday.
I can't believe I have the wonderful chance at forever with my best friend. It still makes me so happy to think about.
I really can't live without him, he is so much a part of who I am.
I think about that sometimes, when I'm missing him while he's away. That if I didn't know he would be coming home soon, I might not know how to keep living. Life just wouldn't quite make sense.
Haha, I hope no one thinks I'd go suicidal if somehow he died soon, because I'm totally not that kind of person. I'd keep living, but a very large part of me would be gone, and I'd miss him terribly.
He is the sanity in my life, the laughter, the meaning behind the 'why', the person who completes me.
I love you Sammy :)
So much.

We've moved!

Yep, it's true! To my grandma's home in West Jordan. We're almost all the way through everything... our room is still a slight disaster. It'll get there though.
I want to just take this opportunity to say how grateful I am that we had the experience of living with Sam's parents for the past six/seven months :) I honestly think it was the best thing for us. You see before Sam & I got married we didn't spend a lot of time around his family... I didn't necessarily feel like I had a place in their family, it's well established & there are older siblings already married & so I all the sudden went from a well-known place of Oldest Daughter & Child, to somewhere in the middle of somewhere. It was rather... different. But now I have relationships with his family, and I don't feel such a stranger.
Oh it hasn't necessarily been all peachy keen all the time, there were plenty of frustrations & hurt feelings, stepped on toes & unsaid/unmet expectations. And washing dishes for 14+ people did get overwhelming more often than not. I'm as guilty as the next person of not pulling my 'full weight' sometimes.
Through it all I've learned firsthand a lot about the family I married into, about my husband, and about myself. And I love them :)
I am grateful for this chance to have more space though. And to actually cook our own food *gasp!* haha

This Saturday is a special day...

It's the day before my dad's birthday. And boy am I so grateful for that man :) He's been a wonderful father & loving support through the years. It hasn't always felt that way, but now I can honestly say my daddy is the best daddy. It's been good. He's a good example to me & even though sometimes it hasn't necessarily felt like we've got the closest relationship, I know he will always be there for me when and if I need him.
He's been going through a lot of changes lately & adapted rather well. I know God is working with and through him to do great things :)
I just want him to know today how much I love him & look up to him, now and always. Love you daddy :) xoxoxox