Oh my goodness. I forget how messy Art is.... Or at least, well yeah. How messy Art is.
We painted today. Watercolor and tempra with sponges and straws that turned into finger painting and lots of... well, mess. It seems that most of the fun is in the mess.
It's also exhausting sometimes.
Shove it all away and come back tomorrow to clean up, I'm going to go play with my sisters!
If there is one thing their coming has made me realize, is how much I still have to relearn how to communicate. I knew how to once. And then all of the sudden, it was just gone. I mean sure, it was a gradual process that happened over time, but now that I realize how far I've slipped, it's a long climb back uphill. Welcome to life!
Another thing is that I've been really hormonal and things that shouldn't normally bug me as much, totally make me lose it. Like my aunt. I love her tons and I realize that she's just had a baby and so her hormones aren't altogether great and normal either, which just makes the fact that I take offense at some of the things she says, even worse.
It's been a long time since I've stormed away from the dinner table, let alone stormed away from ANYONE. And it wasn't really that I was mad either. I just couldn't handle being there.
So I left.
Hiked up the mountain in our backyard and found this magnificent resting spot. I want to take my best friend there sometime when he comes up. But anyway. Sat there and bawled. Because no matter how much I tried to be better, do better, change. It never seemed to be good enough. I still wasn't and am not, doing as good as I should.
I called my mom. She wasn't really in a good mood, and actually sort of chewed me out, but it was exactly what I needed. I didn't need someone to sooth my hurts and tell me that really, I'm doing all good again. Because I'm not. Don't tell me something that isn't true. That you don't know.
I realized something though. Running away is something I've been doing WAY too much of lately. Not that getting away from a situation isn't good sometimes, but all things in moderation is key. I've used it to cope way too much, and it's not healthy. In my running, I'm running away from those who mean the most to me. And that is what I need to change.
So now I'm going to go spend a wonderful weekend with my girls, to make up for the times I've neglected telling them how much they mean to me.
Friday, March 20, 2009
Thursday, March 19, 2009
Miracle Babies
Oh yay! My sisters are less than an hour away! Maybe they bring springtime with them :) haha
Even if they don't I'm super excited to see them :D
Really happy, it's amazing how happy you can get when you're not being stressed out :D
Young Author's Tea came and went this morning. It's done. Over with. And I survived with minimal damage. Haha just kidding! No harm done except maybe the effect of stress on my body, seriously, it's stressing me out just remembering the stress. So on to different topics.
I'm going on the Youth Retreat up here. Haha. At least, that's the plan. It's funny, on the registration slip it said "Youth name and signature" and "Parent name and signature" I filled out the first and then was like wait, what? How am I supposed to do the other one? It's not like I have a parent here that can sign this for me. So my grandma did instead.
I got the application for my passport card and filled it out, all that needs to happen is tomorrow during lunch I will go into the post office, get my picture taken, and turn it in. Along with two forms of ID and such, which I was waiting to arrive in the mail. Got to love the fact that I am not where I live. Or something like that. I wonder and hope that they won't think it's weird that I'm applying for a passport in a state different from the one of residency....
Baby is super cute, it's amazing how much they can change just even from birth to 12 hours later, and then 24 hours later, and then even a few days later. I've missed the sound of a baby's cry. He's adorable.
I finally got a chance last night right before bed to spend some good time with Lisa and the baby. He was a miracle you know. Had a true knot in his cord. It's a good thing the labor was as short as it was. She got woken up by a contraction around 2:30, and had him at 6:30 am.
Reminded me of my mom's miracle children. Nathaniel is undeniably a miracle. My mom was teaching and our family was building a house. The stress from those two facts alone should have dictated a seriously stressed and problem-prone baby. My mom was nailing, painting, always staying up really late at nights, teaching the next day, and not eating exactly healthily enough for a properly nutritioned baby.
He was born without the assistance of a real midwife (the assistant arrived just in time to say "Push!") or the company of my father (who was on the top of a mountain backpacking with the Scouts, he arrived about an hour after the baby came. *note, I stand corrected, he said he got there 20 minutes after the birth and I guess he'd know haha*)
We were in my grandma's car sitting outside when he was born, she'd come over to pick us up and instead ended up staying. That was the first time I ever knew how grouchy my mom could be while in true labor. Because she hadn't called anyone until about two and a half hours before the baby came.
He had the truest, tightest knot anyone had seen before, and my mother was terrified he'd have adverse affects from it. Her brother, a doctor, told her to use Glen Doman's methods for teaching babies to counteract the potential damage. One of Glen's methods involve placing the baby, tummy-down on a "crawl track." a padded board with sides four inches high and covered with some sort of vinyl leather stuff. They'd sleep there, stay there, and, eventually learn to crawl on it.
Well Nathaniel HATED it, as much as a baby can hate anything. He'd bawl everytime we placed him on his tummy, let alone in the crawl track. And wouldn't stop crying until he either fell asleep, or was picked up again and held. My mom went to her brother saying "Danny, he hates it" and my uncle said "Too bad. That's what needs to happen. You decide. Do you want him to cry everytime he is in it, or do you want him to have brain damage? It's up to you."
The crawl track stayed.
And he never had any kind of slowness or injury. In fact, he is one of the brightest, most intelligent children we have (course all of our kids are smart :D ) learning so quickly so many things that sometimes, we sort of wished he didn't pick up on so fast- though not really. Every time he learns something new, we give thanks to God, and I am reminded again how much our Heavenly Father loves and blesses us with miracles everyday.
Even if they don't I'm super excited to see them :D
Really happy, it's amazing how happy you can get when you're not being stressed out :D
Young Author's Tea came and went this morning. It's done. Over with. And I survived with minimal damage. Haha just kidding! No harm done except maybe the effect of stress on my body, seriously, it's stressing me out just remembering the stress. So on to different topics.
I'm going on the Youth Retreat up here. Haha. At least, that's the plan. It's funny, on the registration slip it said "Youth name and signature" and "Parent name and signature" I filled out the first and then was like wait, what? How am I supposed to do the other one? It's not like I have a parent here that can sign this for me. So my grandma did instead.
I got the application for my passport card and filled it out, all that needs to happen is tomorrow during lunch I will go into the post office, get my picture taken, and turn it in. Along with two forms of ID and such, which I was waiting to arrive in the mail. Got to love the fact that I am not where I live. Or something like that. I wonder and hope that they won't think it's weird that I'm applying for a passport in a state different from the one of residency....
Baby is super cute, it's amazing how much they can change just even from birth to 12 hours later, and then 24 hours later, and then even a few days later. I've missed the sound of a baby's cry. He's adorable.
I finally got a chance last night right before bed to spend some good time with Lisa and the baby. He was a miracle you know. Had a true knot in his cord. It's a good thing the labor was as short as it was. She got woken up by a contraction around 2:30, and had him at 6:30 am.
Reminded me of my mom's miracle children. Nathaniel is undeniably a miracle. My mom was teaching and our family was building a house. The stress from those two facts alone should have dictated a seriously stressed and problem-prone baby. My mom was nailing, painting, always staying up really late at nights, teaching the next day, and not eating exactly healthily enough for a properly nutritioned baby.
He was born without the assistance of a real midwife (the assistant arrived just in time to say "Push!") or the company of my father (who was on the top of a mountain backpacking with the Scouts, he arrived about an hour after the baby came. *note, I stand corrected, he said he got there 20 minutes after the birth and I guess he'd know haha*)
We were in my grandma's car sitting outside when he was born, she'd come over to pick us up and instead ended up staying. That was the first time I ever knew how grouchy my mom could be while in true labor. Because she hadn't called anyone until about two and a half hours before the baby came.
He had the truest, tightest knot anyone had seen before, and my mother was terrified he'd have adverse affects from it. Her brother, a doctor, told her to use Glen Doman's methods for teaching babies to counteract the potential damage. One of Glen's methods involve placing the baby, tummy-down on a "crawl track." a padded board with sides four inches high and covered with some sort of vinyl leather stuff. They'd sleep there, stay there, and, eventually learn to crawl on it.
Well Nathaniel HATED it, as much as a baby can hate anything. He'd bawl everytime we placed him on his tummy, let alone in the crawl track. And wouldn't stop crying until he either fell asleep, or was picked up again and held. My mom went to her brother saying "Danny, he hates it" and my uncle said "Too bad. That's what needs to happen. You decide. Do you want him to cry everytime he is in it, or do you want him to have brain damage? It's up to you."
The crawl track stayed.
And he never had any kind of slowness or injury. In fact, he is one of the brightest, most intelligent children we have (course all of our kids are smart :D ) learning so quickly so many things that sometimes, we sort of wished he didn't pick up on so fast- though not really. Every time he learns something new, we give thanks to God, and I am reminded again how much our Heavenly Father loves and blesses us with miracles everyday.
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
It's a Boy!
Oh yay! I love babies :D
Lisa had a gorgeous little boy this morning. Seven lbs 12 oz and 22 inches long. Super adorable. He fits right in with the family :)
It's a short day today and my sister's will be here tomorrow, life is moving right along.
The snow persists, it dumped some more on us last night again.
Tomorrow is Young Author's Tea (ahhhh!) and so it goes. The kids are super excited for that too. It's cute :)
I'm a little bit frustrated with one of my girls. The one that cheats. She was 'sick' yesterday and her mom came to get her homework. Yeah well, she comes back this morning, and hadn't done ANY of it. Grrr. I should be more tolerant of her. That's all there is to it.
The rest of my kids are great, honestly I think I probably got the best possible class for me. They've taught and are teaching me so much.
I've got this minor infection going on in my left extraction site for my wisdom teeth. Apparently no one informed it that it's supposed to be completely healed by now. It's been at least a month and a half. Usually doesn't give me trouble, but right about the time I think I'm all good, it acts up again.
Well, it's official, all the boys can go bowling. Now to just pick a date. haha. Good luck with that one! I'm thinking the 28th. But knowing how things USUALLY go, that might not end up working. They are all so extremely excited though. It's adorable.
I'm happy today, and life is good. Not perfect for sure, and there's still areas that are not completely good, but I choose to be happy and grateful for what I do have. Gratitude can go a long way if it's genuine.
Lisa had a gorgeous little boy this morning. Seven lbs 12 oz and 22 inches long. Super adorable. He fits right in with the family :)
It's a short day today and my sister's will be here tomorrow, life is moving right along.
The snow persists, it dumped some more on us last night again.
Tomorrow is Young Author's Tea (ahhhh!) and so it goes. The kids are super excited for that too. It's cute :)
I'm a little bit frustrated with one of my girls. The one that cheats. She was 'sick' yesterday and her mom came to get her homework. Yeah well, she comes back this morning, and hadn't done ANY of it. Grrr. I should be more tolerant of her. That's all there is to it.
The rest of my kids are great, honestly I think I probably got the best possible class for me. They've taught and are teaching me so much.
I've got this minor infection going on in my left extraction site for my wisdom teeth. Apparently no one informed it that it's supposed to be completely healed by now. It's been at least a month and a half. Usually doesn't give me trouble, but right about the time I think I'm all good, it acts up again.
Well, it's official, all the boys can go bowling. Now to just pick a date. haha. Good luck with that one! I'm thinking the 28th. But knowing how things USUALLY go, that might not end up working. They are all so extremely excited though. It's adorable.
I'm happy today, and life is good. Not perfect for sure, and there's still areas that are not completely good, but I choose to be happy and grateful for what I do have. Gratitude can go a long way if it's genuine.
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Snowy Holiday (It's March silly!)
Happy Saint Pattie's Day to ya! And that's right, it's snowing.
No baby yet from Lisa. We just know that as soon as James leaves to work over in Helena, it'll be 'that time' but as long as he's around, we're all getting impatient. Haha. Lis didn't ever get an ultrasound later in the pregnancy so we don't know for sure what she's having, but we're pretty sure it's a girl :) A few nights ago the 'she' was kicking so hard you could see Lisa's tummy bouncing up and back with the kicks. Super cute. I can't wait to hold a baby again, and it's not even mine! lol
Having a baby in the house will be wonderful, I've missed my baby sister a lot since moving away.
The snow has been sticking around but James predicts it'll mostly be all gone soon, and the forecast is calling for good weather Thursday, Friday and for the weekend.
Life's just life. I got a letter yesterday. I love letters so much :D
My mom and I were talking about this book my younger sister had been reading that talked about this group of survivors where cannibalism took place... yeah. My sister is 11? Sort of sad that she had to run into that, it was a story about a young boy too, so she thought it would have been a good book. Not so much.
Anyway, we talked about how it seems that when the people turn from God, they begin cannibalism. Apparently there is some sort of cursing the Lord gives to those who forsake him, that they will eat the flesh of their loved ones and those close to them. Really sad.... And really gross too. There are some things worth more than just surviving. Then we got on the subject about those women who die defending their virtue and chastity, it was kind of a, sobering talk. Gives you something to think about for sure. So much of our society is so far from God, that we are running into more gray areas than just plain black and white. Saddening.
No baby yet from Lisa. We just know that as soon as James leaves to work over in Helena, it'll be 'that time' but as long as he's around, we're all getting impatient. Haha. Lis didn't ever get an ultrasound later in the pregnancy so we don't know for sure what she's having, but we're pretty sure it's a girl :) A few nights ago the 'she' was kicking so hard you could see Lisa's tummy bouncing up and back with the kicks. Super cute. I can't wait to hold a baby again, and it's not even mine! lol
Having a baby in the house will be wonderful, I've missed my baby sister a lot since moving away.
The snow has been sticking around but James predicts it'll mostly be all gone soon, and the forecast is calling for good weather Thursday, Friday and for the weekend.
Life's just life. I got a letter yesterday. I love letters so much :D
My mom and I were talking about this book my younger sister had been reading that talked about this group of survivors where cannibalism took place... yeah. My sister is 11? Sort of sad that she had to run into that, it was a story about a young boy too, so she thought it would have been a good book. Not so much.
Anyway, we talked about how it seems that when the people turn from God, they begin cannibalism. Apparently there is some sort of cursing the Lord gives to those who forsake him, that they will eat the flesh of their loved ones and those close to them. Really sad.... And really gross too. There are some things worth more than just surviving. Then we got on the subject about those women who die defending their virtue and chastity, it was kind of a, sobering talk. Gives you something to think about for sure. So much of our society is so far from God, that we are running into more gray areas than just plain black and white. Saddening.
Monday, March 16, 2009
Money Money Money
So not gonna lie, I'm starting to stress out about money. I know I shouldn't.... but AHHHH!
haha ok. Now that I'm done with that.
I really have NO idea how I'm going to be able to do everything I need to.... it's a little really scary. And I'm constantly praying for a miracle.
There's the fee for my passport (has to be paid when I turn in the application, and that has to be at least a month before I leave aka NOW, to allow for processing,)
car payment (which has never been a problem, thankfully,)
phone bill (oh yes, the joys of having a phone again,)
rent (only $40 though, thankfully. And it's already paid)
along with fuel, the ticket to go to an acrobatic concert this Saturday, and any other assorted things.... Besides the fact that I'm going to disappear this next month and, believe it or not, disappearing costs money.
My savings is super low and I'm doing my best to try to keep up on backed up tithing... but yes. I'm still slightly worried though I do know that God can and does work miracles all the time.
Just got to keep trusting.
haha ok. Now that I'm done with that.
I really have NO idea how I'm going to be able to do everything I need to.... it's a little really scary. And I'm constantly praying for a miracle.
There's the fee for my passport (has to be paid when I turn in the application, and that has to be at least a month before I leave aka NOW, to allow for processing,)
car payment (which has never been a problem, thankfully,)
phone bill (oh yes, the joys of having a phone again,)
rent (only $40 though, thankfully. And it's already paid)
along with fuel, the ticket to go to an acrobatic concert this Saturday, and any other assorted things.... Besides the fact that I'm going to disappear this next month and, believe it or not, disappearing costs money.
My savings is super low and I'm doing my best to try to keep up on backed up tithing... but yes. I'm still slightly worried though I do know that God can and does work miracles all the time.
Just got to keep trusting.
Saturday, March 14, 2009
It's easier to keep up than to catch up
It's Saturday, and I have forgotten how much I love cleaning. That sounds ridiculous, but it's true. I love cleaning :D
I deep-cleaned the bathroom. Everything from the tub and shower curtain to the cupboard we keep everything in. It felt awesome and looked amazing. CLEAN!!!!!!!!!!!! Yay!
I really just (now, this is going to sound ridiculous) but I can't wait to be able to stay home and clean. Like, not have a job and just be home and be a homemaker. Bake things and clean things and just BE.
I miss doing Saturday chores with my family, I realized. Twenty hands make light work and there is always such immense satisfaction in cleanliness.
I was talking to my grandma, and I will admit that I am not the best at keeping my room clean and organized. I was telling her how much I have been having bad dreams and night and she suggested that I keep my room cleaner (it was so funny to see how she was trying to be so kind about it when we both knew it is regularly a gigantic mess) and that might help me feel more at peace at nights. My dad has also said that 'studies show that the state of a person's room often reflects their life' haha, which, I can so see being true.
I'm doing better, but there is always room for improvement and that is part of the reason I've gotten off Facebook. There are other areas of my life that need to no longer be neglected. Like those letters I still need to write and get sent off to friends who probably wonder where in the world I disappeared to. And my room, my classroom, and my car. Not to mention countless other things that probably could use some shaping up. Like my body. I need to more consistently exercise. And studying, there are a lot of books I've been wanting to read but always have found it just easier to put them off rather then pick them up.
No longer. Gotta start somewhere.
I deep-cleaned the bathroom. Everything from the tub and shower curtain to the cupboard we keep everything in. It felt awesome and looked amazing. CLEAN!!!!!!!!!!!! Yay!
I really just (now, this is going to sound ridiculous) but I can't wait to be able to stay home and clean. Like, not have a job and just be home and be a homemaker. Bake things and clean things and just BE.
I miss doing Saturday chores with my family, I realized. Twenty hands make light work and there is always such immense satisfaction in cleanliness.
I was talking to my grandma, and I will admit that I am not the best at keeping my room clean and organized. I was telling her how much I have been having bad dreams and night and she suggested that I keep my room cleaner (it was so funny to see how she was trying to be so kind about it when we both knew it is regularly a gigantic mess) and that might help me feel more at peace at nights. My dad has also said that 'studies show that the state of a person's room often reflects their life' haha, which, I can so see being true.
I'm doing better, but there is always room for improvement and that is part of the reason I've gotten off Facebook. There are other areas of my life that need to no longer be neglected. Like those letters I still need to write and get sent off to friends who probably wonder where in the world I disappeared to. And my room, my classroom, and my car. Not to mention countless other things that probably could use some shaping up. Like my body. I need to more consistently exercise. And studying, there are a lot of books I've been wanting to read but always have found it just easier to put them off rather then pick them up.
No longer. Gotta start somewhere.
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Haha so guess what! Super excited again, I am going to be a bridesmaid, actually the maid of honor, for a best friends reception! Haha. Just makes me happy to think of, sharing in that joy. Haha. *Girly moment* Lol
I checked the calendar, and it fits perfectly into when we are off work, it's kind of crazy because really, I want to finish my interning here in Montana, but I have stuff in Utah I need to get done too, and if I get the job working on fires (as a cook not as a firefighter lol) then that means my whole summer schedule is screwed up. Pretty exciting!
I am a little concerned about some of my kids..... the student ones that is. I've got one boy who is so QUIET. Like, I didn't know it was possible for someone his age to BE so quiet. And he's only really quiet around me... or other teachers. I see him chatting it up with his friends when grown-ups aren't around, but as soon as he knows you're there, he's as quiet as a mouse. And just as removed. I don't think I would be as concerned if he was just quiet, but add to that the fact that when I ask him if he wants to do something, anything, he 'doesn't have' an opinion. He's so distant. I have no idea what he's going through or how to even help him really, just keep praying on that one.
OH! And I've got this one girl who CHEATS like no other but is also very sensitive about confrontations and is easily made to feel like an idiot. Talk about needing gentle handling? Except that I think part of the reason she's gotten so bad at cheating is because her parents are so flopsy with her.... I don't know, I shouldn't judge. It's just hard to try and help these kids be normal at school when they aren't treated normally at home. Because the second they walk out my door, they go back to regular life where they are overlooked, lost in the crowd, and ignored. NOT that I'm saying I'm so good and NEVER do that to any of them. Really, some of the kids have excellent parents who care and love them and SHOW that their kids are loved, those are the ones I don't worry about. They are great strengths too, to our class.
It's just the ones I don't know what they are thinking, why they think it's ok to start on a timed test before I say go, to look on someone else's paper, stare off into space for however long, or chatter to their neighbor, that I don't quite know what to do with. Each story and child is different, so one general answer doesn't really cut it. Except to love them. And even that is too vague, communicating the love is different for each child. I don't quite know.
It's kind of funny, because I'm looking for answers to questions I have about my future, but they aren't coming. And while sometimes I wonder why, I know, it's because I need to learn how to help these kids right here and now, and not worry about what the future has in store, that'll be taken care of when it happens. So just let it be.
I checked the calendar, and it fits perfectly into when we are off work, it's kind of crazy because really, I want to finish my interning here in Montana, but I have stuff in Utah I need to get done too, and if I get the job working on fires (as a cook not as a firefighter lol) then that means my whole summer schedule is screwed up. Pretty exciting!
I am a little concerned about some of my kids..... the student ones that is. I've got one boy who is so QUIET. Like, I didn't know it was possible for someone his age to BE so quiet. And he's only really quiet around me... or other teachers. I see him chatting it up with his friends when grown-ups aren't around, but as soon as he knows you're there, he's as quiet as a mouse. And just as removed. I don't think I would be as concerned if he was just quiet, but add to that the fact that when I ask him if he wants to do something, anything, he 'doesn't have' an opinion. He's so distant. I have no idea what he's going through or how to even help him really, just keep praying on that one.
OH! And I've got this one girl who CHEATS like no other but is also very sensitive about confrontations and is easily made to feel like an idiot. Talk about needing gentle handling? Except that I think part of the reason she's gotten so bad at cheating is because her parents are so flopsy with her.... I don't know, I shouldn't judge. It's just hard to try and help these kids be normal at school when they aren't treated normally at home. Because the second they walk out my door, they go back to regular life where they are overlooked, lost in the crowd, and ignored. NOT that I'm saying I'm so good and NEVER do that to any of them. Really, some of the kids have excellent parents who care and love them and SHOW that their kids are loved, those are the ones I don't worry about. They are great strengths too, to our class.
It's just the ones I don't know what they are thinking, why they think it's ok to start on a timed test before I say go, to look on someone else's paper, stare off into space for however long, or chatter to their neighbor, that I don't quite know what to do with. Each story and child is different, so one general answer doesn't really cut it. Except to love them. And even that is too vague, communicating the love is different for each child. I don't quite know.
It's kind of funny, because I'm looking for answers to questions I have about my future, but they aren't coming. And while sometimes I wonder why, I know, it's because I need to learn how to help these kids right here and now, and not worry about what the future has in store, that'll be taken care of when it happens. So just let it be.
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